Secrets and Dirty Deeds
by Barefoot-Pianist
Summary: Malfoy is finally in his 6th year, and much trouble arises between his friends and sleuths. Be ready to be introduced to the inner most circle of Slytherins, and most of all to their closest secrets and dirtiest deeds... rated PG13 to be on the safe side.
1. Chapter 1

Secrets and Dirty Deeds… Redone!

By the Barefoot Pianist

Disclaimer: I'll say this once and ONCE only – I do not own any of the Harry Potter Characters. I don't mess with God…. aka J.K. Rowling

A/N: Okay, this is NOT a Mary-Sue story. I'm trying my hardest to break away from the obvious romance fiction stereotypes. You can expect some surprising results!

If you R&R my story, then I guarantee that I'll R&R your story – whether it's Harry Potter or not!

Chapter One

"Aw fuck, that was a fucking good meal. I stuffed myself like a fucking Hippogriff," said Carmen after doing a fairly impressive belch. The people around her all laughed.

These people were Blaise Zabini, Draco Malfoy, Pansy Parkinson, Daphne Greengrass, Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle, Jade Wynter and Millicent Bullstrode. Carmen Davies was always the crude show girl; burping in front of large audiences, swearing the worst profanities (some, that people have to ask for their meaning in order to understand what she's saying), and always making sure that she would do the exact opposite of what etiquette required of her.

"You should really watch your amount of intake, you know Carmen," said Daphne, still laughing. Daphne was an Albino, pink eyes and all, and was also the stereotypical blond; putting hard work into her reflection in the mirror and less into her personality.

"Merlin, I couldn't give a flying fuck about my fucking 'intake'. Food is food and I don't intend on fucking starving myself just so that stupid Lombard, Nott, will notice me, Daphne." She flashed her eyes maliciously, though good-humouredly at Daphne while she fondly patted her stomach. A chorus of laughter rose again as Daphne turned a brilliant magenta and cursed under her breath.

"Don't take too much to heart of what Carmen says," Blaise took pity and directed to Daphne, while she retorted that she was fine. "By the way," he continued, "what does a Lombard mean?" Everyone seemed to have the same idea, and looked towards Carmen for an answer.

Carmen explained, slightly exasperated, "Do you bastards know anything? Lombard stands for 'Loads Of Money But A Right Dickhead'." She gave a small "tut" and the people around her gave a small chuckle – all except Crabbe and Goyle who gave their distinguished grunts of laughter, though undistinguishable from other emotions.

Malfoy spoke up, "Hah, that'd be right. Doesn't know who he is, just because he's in Seventh year…" Most people showed a sight of agreement, but Malfoy was oblivious to the fact that people agreed with him in any case, because he was Draco _Malfoy_, son of one of the most influential family in the Wizarding World. What Malfoy also failed to realise was that most of the people knew of the reason for Malfoy's bitterness towards Nott. Apart from the Malfoys, the Notts are the wealthiest wizarding family in England, and no Malfoy would be beaten from his goal. But that was not all, Malfoy and Nott had been good friends until last Christmas when…

"Yeah!" Pansy piped up. "Who does he think he is? Just because he's the heir to the wealthiest sum of money in England and…" she faded away as she realised what she had just said. She let out a quiet "Oops," and looked sideways at her blond boyfriend sitting beside her, quietly seething. "I'm so sorry, Draco! I didn't mean to say that, please forgive…"

"Forget it," he cut her off a little too sharply. He looked a little pale, but politely changed the subject. He didn't mind Pansy, although her mouth became a little too loose at times. For a long time now, he'd be told over and over that they would make a nice pair, or a smart match, so his father would often say. _Bon ton_, which meant 'well bred' in French, was what the Malfoys had always strived to achieve, and have done for a very long time. And Draco had no intention _what so ever_ to break from that ancient line of wizards – pure blood wizards.

At that precise moment, the silver plates in front of them cleared of the food and the whole hall fell gradually silent to await Dumbledore's dismissal for the evening. He stood up quietly, patted his beard lightly and smiled, "I trust you have all been well watered and well fed. Now, back to your Houses! Chop, chop!"

A/N: Hope you liked… R&R please! I promise to R&R yours!


	2. Chapter 2

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

A/N: Still working on the character development. Please R&R – your comments will be really appreciated and some constructive criticism would be great.

**Chapter 2**

Another night in the Slytherin common room…

Upon arrival at the common room, everyone began to sit around the fireplace, bringing out their books, parchment and quills, lazily attempting to do their homework. Jade sat next to Blaise and Millicent, trying to work out complicated formulae for Numerology, while Pansy, Daphne and Carmen sat around trying to figure out the angle at which Pluto was between Venus and Jupiter for Astronomy. Malfoy sat alone in a corner, doing his Potions extention essay, closely guarded by Crabbe and Goyle who were scratching their heads at an open book, along the lines of Herbology, making occasional small grunting noises from frustration.

Several hours passed and everyone gradually lost their concentration. It was only Malfoy who was left in the corner doing his homework while everyone grouped around and started chatting.

"Does anyone understand the difference between a stalactite and a stalagmite? I mean, what are those got to do with Defence Against the Dark Arts, anyway?" questioned Jade.

"Pft, who really cares," Malfoy said. He had walked away from his study corner, and he now looked towards the person closest to him, Jade, and asked, "Can I borrow a nib? I just broke my last one."

But before Pansy could offer herself, Jade answered, "Sure," and searched through her bag, looking slightly self-conscious. Pansy's eyes sub-consciously narrowed as she saw, definitely, a light crimson come up in Jade's cheeks. However, her attention was quickly shifted back to the conversation at hand.

Carmen spoke up, "Talking of Defence against the Dark Arts, I had a fucking awful time last lesson. That Harker waif started bitching in front of me, and got me fucking sprung for not finishing my fucking essay in time, and the fucking reason why I didn't get it done in fucking time was because I was trying to do the rest of the fucking research on the fucking Loch Ness Monster from the week before. How the fuck does she expect me to do my fucking homework from last fucking week, and on top of that, finish the fucking turd of an essay for this fucking week as well? She really needs to sort out her fucking issues!"

At that, everyone sat half stunned, half expecting it in silence and stared at Carmen. Not only that, Carmen had made her outburst more than audible, as the whole common room now was dead silent, frozen from what they were doing, looking at her also. Carmen also realised this and looked around at the sea of stunned faces and yelled, "Who the fuck do you think you're looking at? Fucking Harry Potter?" (at which point a small snort came from Malfoy, causing Carmen to turn abruptly and glare at him) and the whole common room automatically, although somewhat hurriedly, went back to what they were doing before.

No words came from anyone in the awkward group for a few minutes, until Carmen finally broke the silence. "By the way," she turned to Draco and said, looking rather evil, "when are you going to consider me for the Slytherin Quidditch team?"

"Soon."

"How soon?"

"_Soon_."

"But when is _soon_?"

"When I see that you've got enough skills-"

"You mean a certain difference between you and me below the belt."

Malfoy's cheeks began to show a tinge of pink, as did the others who were listening to their conversation. Carmen heard a low whistle coming from Jade, and a whispered, though distinct, "Ouch" from the direction of Blaise. Either way, Carmen kept one eyebrow up and crossed her arms in a defiant way.

Malfoy cleared his throat, "Perhaps."

Carmen was caught in between the pleasure at being right and dissappointment from being so. She retorted, "I can fly better and faster than Pucey and Nott. Just because I happen to be the gentler sex-"

"The Quidditch team which won these last three World Cups has been all-male."

"That doesn't make our team any better, Malfoy."

"Does to!"

"Does not!"

"_Does to!_"

"_Does not!_"

Blaise intruded, "Alright, calm down both of you!" The two were virtually steaming at the ears, arms crossed defensively. Their exchange of deadly looks would have indicated otherwise to their order of calm.

"I bet I'm better than you are at catching the snitch." Carmen finally burst out.

"Oh, do I sense a challenge?" Malfoy asked in mock-fear. "The fact is, you're dealing with the best here, and there is no way-"

"Try me, then," said Carmen.

Malfoy looked very flushed by now, but he held out. "Fine. But don't expect to be treated like a lady. It's rough stuff, Quidditch," and he gave his signature smirk.

"Don't worry, I'll be there."

A/N: Please R&R! By the way, Professor Harker comes from Mina Harker, one of the most famous victims of Dracula. I think her husband went to track down the whereabouts of Dracula in Transylvania or something. Anyway, she was also the cool vampire lady in the movie "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen". If you haven't seen it, I'd definitely advise it.


	3. Chapter 3

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

**Chapter 3**

A few days later, after an intense few days of avoiding Carmen, and a few more intense days of Carmen's badgering and taunting, they came to set a date for the challenge.

The air was still crisp and cool as Malfoy walked onto the grass of the Quidditch Pitch – a good, clear day for Quidditch trials. Although the air was still chilly, a reminder of the harsh winter that had moved on.

He placed the huge Quidditch box on the ground beside him, adjusted his green "Quidditch Captain" pin and Quidditch robes. He took his Nimbus 2001 leaning against his shoulder, took it in both hands, mounted it and gripped the well-worn handle with both hands before kicking off from the ground. It was a familiar feeling; he'd done it many times before, indeed, before he even came to Hogwarts.

He started warming up, doing mock-attacks and pretending to be in the middle of an intense game. Diving, pulling up, changing directions at ninety degrees, shooting up sixty feet in a second, then plummeting down to the ground the next. But just before he came to ten feet from the ground, a blur shot past, right in front of him, forcing him to pull up in alarm. But just as he thought he had saved himself from breaking his neck, the tip of the broom got caught on the lawn and sent him cart-wheeling across the ground and _smack!_ He came to stop, sprawled out, on his back and looking up to a figure who was hovering a few feet to his left. He lifted himself up and looked to see the face against the bright sky, of who had rudely interrupted his (imaginary) triumphant save.

"Very smooth, I must say," came Nott's voice, calmly, but trying very hard to hide his amusement.

"I've nothing to say to you," Malfoy said coldly.

Nott opened his mouth to dispute, but a group of Slytherin boys came onto the pitch from the Change Rooms, and quickly changed his mind and closed his mouth. Instead, he pointed his broom skywards and flew up. The group of boys also started to mount their brooms and started flying around the pitch. Soon, Malfoy too, was on his broom and started to shout names and directions.

"Crabbe, bludger to your left! NO! You're not meant to hit our players! Oh, bollocks. Oi, Higgs! Go right and defend Pucey! No, NO, your _other_ right! Merlin!"

Carmen had finally arrived, riding on her broom in a comfortable pace like a Japanese tourist enjoying the scenery. She landed next to Malfoy and announced her arrival.

"You're late," Malfoy said, through clenched teeth trying desperately to tame his anger and embarrassment. The team had momentarily stopped training to look at the new arrival, some starting to wolf-whistle at their new arrival being a girl. Carmen kept her gaze on Malfoy but extended her arm towards the sky to show only her middle finger pointing up. Somehow, that only encouraged them more.

"_Fashionably_ late," corrected Carmen.

Malfoy flushed. "Is an hour, out of an hour and a half session, what you call 'fashionably late'?" he asked. "Let me ask you something. Do you _want_ to play on this team or not?" It was now Carmen's turn to flush. She looked defiant and answered yes. "Good. Then go sit over there," he said and pointed away to a bench.

"But I've come here to try out for-"

"Go sit down."

"But the challenge-"

"Just sit down!"

"Fine!" Carmen yelled back, walked to the bench and sat down in a huff, crossed her arms and legs, and glared at Malfoy.

"Having trouble taming your girlfriend, _Captain?_" asked the sly voice of Nott, among sniggers from the rest of the team.

"She is _not_ my girlfriend," Malfoy directed to the team.

"That's very interesting…" Nott said quietly to himself.

A/N: Please R&R! And also, I just wanted to say a HUGE "Thank you!" to Stardrops for reviewing! You're awesome!


	4. Chapter 4

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

**Chapter 4**

"Alright, men! That'll do for today. Good job everyone!" yelled Malfoy, signalling the end of the session. As everyone started to fly down onto the ground, Malfoy said, "Okay, thanks to everyone for trying out. The results will be up in a week, and you can check that up in the common room. Now get to the change rooms!" and the team dispersed into their own ways.

"Hang on!" Carmen caught up with Malfoy, outraged. "I was here to fucking tryout, and you don't even give me a chance! You disgust me!"

"Who said the tryouts were over?"

"Huh?"

"I said, who s-"

"I heard you the first time!"

"Oh, right."

"Okay," she tried to keep her cool, but clearly showing her relief. "So what's it going to be, Captain?"

Malfoy bent down to the open crate and took out a small gold golf-ball…no, walnut… no, sphere. He held it up for Carmen to see – the snitch. "Whoever catches it first, wins. Easy as that," and he let it go, the snitch instantly flying off into the vicinity.

Carmen quickly mounted her broom and took off, the first off. Malfoy took his time, and easily caught up with Carmen hovering in the air, eyes squinting to see any movement down below. After a while both were flying around the stadium, closely tailing each other, Malfoy caught Carmen's eye. Carmen went to raise her eyebrow, but she saw him give a smirk, the one she hated so much, and saw him start to dive down, still looking up at her for a tenth of a moment before Carmen started following him. She followed him, desperately trying to find the snitch, when she heard his voice from in front of her, "You're never going to catch up with me with your Comet 260!"

But before she started to put her whole effort into moving faster, she caught a gold glint in the corner of her eye and quickly pulled up, pointed the broom in the direction and sped off, leaving Malfoy in her wake. He hadn't seen it after all.

It was too easy for her, he realised. Carmen had caught the snitch and she now grinned triumphantly squiggling the snitch between her fingers in mockery.

There was nothing to it, "Best of three," he called out to her. She nodded and let go of the snitch, instantly disappearing.

"On one," she shouted back and started counting down. "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, ONE!" and at that they both flew off, circling the stadium. However, before she knew it, Malfoy had dived again only to pull up with a sure glint of gold in his grasp.

"One more game left," he said and threw the snitch up into the air. The sky had started to get dark, probably close to 5 o'clock. But not much of that mattered to either of them; they were going to get the snitch, whether it cost them their lives.

After flying around for a while, Carmen made a dive, forcing Malfoy to trail after her. Once she was sure that he had clearly thought that she'd seen the snitch, she made loop in the shape of a knot around Malfoy and flew in the opposite direction. However, she couldn't fool him. He caught up to her easily, and at that moment, saw the snitch hovering near the opposite goal posts. Carmen saw it too, and both made one straight line towards the other end of the pitch. Malfoy was edging forward and Carmen concentrated hard trying to move forward. She finally caught up with him, and caught his eye, surprise, maybe admiration that seemed impossible for a Malfoy to carry. But as they both grew closer to the snitch, a blur cut across where the snitch was suspended one moment and empty space the next.

"What!" shouted Malfoy in frustration. He looked to his right and saw someone in scarlet robes, tossing the snitch casually in its palm.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Potter?" shouted Malfoy.

"Yes, that _is_ the question, though misdirected. What are _you_ doing on the pitch during _our_ training session?"

"Didn't your _mother_ teach you not to interrupt people?" Carmen said in a motherly voice, quite unnatural to her.

Harry looked coldly at her, but before he could utter a word of a comeback, Draco said quickly, "Come on, we'll finish this later," and urged her to fly down to the ground. "Ouch, Carmen," Draco said, half happy. "_Ouch._"

Carmen's lips twitched gleefully.

A/N: R&R please! So Carmen isn't exactly perfect... but I did warn you that she was no Mary-Sue!


	5. Chapter 5

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

A/N: trying very hard to keep Malfoy into character... it's so hard though! A lot of Malfoy fics, he turns out to be an equivalent of a big, mushy teddy bear and in the book, he's such a self-righteous prick! But then again, that's what's so attractive about him. Okay, any time he starts to go mushy, please let me know!

**Chapter 5**

Carmen and Malfoy flew down, landed smoothly and walked the rest of the way to the change rooms. Both of them were grinning, but the first to notice was Carmen.

"Why the fuck are you so happy?"

"Well, didn't you see Potter's face? Hah, that was to die for! Anyway, _you_ haven't wiped that grin off your face since we left the pitch either."

Carmen widened her grin, "That's because I won."

"What? Bollocks, it was one all, from two out of three games!"

"But I won the first game; I was the first to catch the snitch! So therefore, I bloody won!"

"No, we both agreed that we'd have three games!"

"Not before I caught the snitch!"

"You didn't win!"

"Yes, I did!"

"No, you didn't!"

"Did!"

"Didn't!"

"_Did!_"

"_Didn't!_"

"DID!"

"DIDN'T!"

The next morning, after a long night of repeated arguing, the two were still bickering through breakfast.

"Did," Carmen growled between mouthfuls of porridge.

"Didn't," was Malfoy's reply, after swallowing a mouthful of orange juice.

By this time, people were starting to look curiously at both of them, wondering what they were arguing about.

During lessons they would write notes where possible (mostly in History of Magic lessons) writing scribbles that said "did", then "didn't" until the piece of parchment was full. But this soon stopped as both began to run out of parchment to write on.

By the end of the week, people began to get sick of the Did/Didn't argument, but both were stubborn as each other and weren't anywhere near giving up. But despite this, the time finally came for Malfoy to decide the new entrants to the Slytherin Quidditch team and that was when Carmen approached Malfoy.

"Did," she said, signalling her arrival.

"Didn't," was Malfoy's current way of saying 'yes'.

"Anyway," she said, "Are you going to put me into the bloody team or not?"

"It's for me to know and you to find out."

"Ugh!" she yelled in frustration and threw her arms in the air.

She was about to leave before Malfoy said, "But _if_ you do get in, you better not be 'fashionably late' _ever_ again – no team will ever take you on."

Carmen gave herself a small smile, turned her back to him and started walking. "Did," she said.

"Didn't."

The next day, early in the morning, the list for the Slytherin Quidditch team went up.

It said:

_Seeker: Draco Malfoy_

_First Beater: Crabbe, Vincent_

_Second Beater: Goyle, Gregory_

_Keeper: Zabini, Blaise_

_First chaser: Nott, Theodore_

_Second chaser: Pucey, Adrian_

_Third Chaser: Davies, Carmen_

When Carmen next saw Malfoy, the first thing she said was, "Did."

But this time, though slightly discontentedly he said, "Yes, you did."

A/N: R&R please! By the way, thank you so much to Ahlam, Lila Bloom-Felton, FinniganIrish for reviewing!


	6. Chapter 6

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

A/N: Sorry it took some time to update… lots of work to do! And please, no flames, for crappiness. 

Chapter 6

Slytherin's next game was again Hufflepuff, and nearly everyone in the school was sure that Slytherin would have an easy match. However, Malfoy mustn't have had the same idea, because his training sessions were a crack-down. But his reason wasn't just that, taking on these new players, meant he required time to train them up to scratch. Apart from Carmen, Blaise was also a new player, but Carmen could honestly say that she was the least experienced. It was more than a few occasions where she slipped off her broom and hung from it with either two or one hand. However, she was proud to say that she had gotten very skilled at clambering back onto the broom again. 

But as much as her ball skills and broom skills weren't so perfect, she and the rest of the team knew that _some_ of the players really needed to review the direction in which was right, and which was left.

"Now Goyle, which hand do you write with?" Malfoy asked for the eighteenth time that session. Goyle put his right hand out. "Good. Now, do you remember what this hand is called?"

"Um," Goyle paused. "The left?"

"_How_ many times do I have to tell you?" Malfoy was more than exasperated, as were the team. "You write with your RIGHT hand. Write and right, they sound the same, don't they? You write with your _right_ hand, remember that. Just tell me which hand you write with again?"

"The... the right."

"Good. Now go and do ten laps around the pitch." 

Crabbe sat on his broom, laughing gruntingly at his friend who went to do laps around the pitch, but forgot to keep his balance and fell off. However, after falling twenty feet, he was still laughing, broken only with an odd hiccup every five seconds.

"I'm the best god-damn swear-word junkie there is," boasted Carmen. 

"Everyone knows that," scoffed Jade. 

Pansy, Carmen, Millicent, Daphne and Jade all sat around a small table, munching on a package of peanut brittle. 

"Okay, if you're so confident then we'll test you," challenged Daphne, and momentarily disappeared into the dormitory. She came back with a fairly thick book, titled, 'The Big Book of Being Rude, by Lester Blackmouth'. She placed it on the table with a 'thump' and flipped through the pages.

"Right, give me the meaning when I quote the word. Butter snout."

"Snape. Oh, sorry, that was the first thing that came to mind. Um, it means a person with a greasy complexion."

"Well, I don't blame you," said Millicent. "Here, give me that book, I want a go." Daphne passed the book over, and after carefully selecting, she said, "Palooka."

"Goyle, I mean, a large and stupid person."

"Scut?"

"Shit."

"Doughface?"

"Woman with excess makeup."

"Picklepuss?"

"A sour faced person."

"Here's a hard one. A double-bag-and-stumper?"

Carmen took in a deep breath and went on, "A woman so ugly that one would have to place a paper bag over both participant's heads in order to face up to sex, and one would, in any case, rather cut off all of one's limbs than have sex with her," and with that, she heaved in another breath.

"Wow."

"I'm not done yet," Carmen said. "I can say 'fuck you' in twelve languages! In French, it's baisez vous, in Russian; poshol na khui, in Afrikaans; Gaan kak in die mielies, in Spanish;! ch'ingate!, in Italian; vaffanculo, in Portuguese; vai-te foder, in German; fick dich, in Cantonese; due kau neh, in Indonesian; ngentot lu, in Haitian Creole; kolan guete maman ou, in Swedish; dra aat helvete, and in Estonian; mine vittu." 

"Okay then…"

A/N: Please R&R! By the way, the swearwords above are only for reference, not for use! So little kiddies, _don't_ try this at home! Hope you enjoyed some of the colloquialisms. They come from "The Big Book of Being Rude" – yes, it actually exists. It's quite funny just reading through some of the words they've got in there.


	7. Chapter 7

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

Chapter 7

A/N: Sorry it's taken so long but this is where the truths start to come out! And to Prowling Kit Kat: No, this isn't a Draco/Hermione fic… sorry! But please read on!

Jade wondered whether is was the her or the light, "what's wrong, Carmen, you look a little pale."

"Ooh, maybe she's going to start being an Albino," Daphne said mockingly.

Carmen shot her an evil look before she answered. "My Great-great-great-grandmother died yesterday," and she took out a crumpled piece of parchment, recognisable as a letter. 

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Jade sweat over with her emotions.

Carmen continued, "But there's something else. And I don't want you telling anyone what I'm going to tell you now… that includes you, Daphne and don't look so bloody innocent." Daphne was silently aghast that such an accusation was put upon her, but everyone ignored her. Carmen took a breath, "I'm not a pure-blood."

"What?!" Jade said, stunned that such a close friend of hers was deprived in such a way. Daphne sat silent. Carmen quickly added, "Well, I am sort of! It was just my Great-great-great grandmother was a chop suey. But after that, I'm all clean, I mean it was five generations ago…" (A/N: Chop suey means mixed blood or mixed race)

"Oh, god," Carmen said, her head buried in her hands.

"You are kidding me," Daphne said flatly, not much sorrow in her voice.

Carmen's temper flew and hit the ceiling; she could literally see the wheels and clogs moving in Daphne's brain. "You better fucking not, you stupid bitch! Or else I'll tell the whole fucking school that you're a fucking bottle-fucking blond!" she said, and lunged at Daphne and gripped her painfully by the shoulders.

"Ugh, get off of me!" Daphne pushed Carmen away and rubbed her shoulders, "What are you on about anyway?" Carmen walked towards Daphne's four-poster bed, lowered herself to the floor and disappeared momentarily. Jade looked sideways at Daphne, who was looking paler than her already blanche complexion. 

Carmen came back with an empty glass bottle in her hand. "Then care to fucking explain what the fuck _this_ is doing?" It was labelled 'Malkinov's Magic Hair Bleaching Potion'.

Jade's hand flew to her mouth to cover up her gasp. This was too much melodrama to handle in one day. Carmen was still glaring at Daphne, who scowled at her misfortune. "Fine," she said, giving a little "tut". "I won't tell if you won't."

"Deal," Carmen said firmly and stuck her hand out. Daphne took it, but then looked at Jade, who was still sitting beside them, realising that she had heard and seen everything. Carmen quickly turned her glare at Jade, also. 

Suddenly confronted by possibly the two feistiest girls in the school in less than two seconds flat, Jade couldn't help but blurt out, "What?"

.....................................................

"Okay everyone, good job!" yelled Malfoy. That indicated the end of the session. As everyone flew down, he noticed Pansy waving from the stadium seats. She was there to spectate the session. "I'll be down in sec," he shouted to her and began to pack up the Quidditch equipment.

.....................................................

Pansy made her way towards the changing rooms, next to the equipment shed. There however, as she waited, she met someone that made her heart stop. Nott had come out of the changing room and saw her, immediately making a beeline towards her with a handsome grin.

......................................................

When Malfoy had finished packing up, he levitated the huge box and took it in the direction of the equipment shed. But he didn't expect to see his girlfriend – scratch that: ex-girlfriend – to be in the presence of his rival. He stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of Pansy, leaning against the wall of the equipment shed and Nott, leaning into her, their mouths perhaps only half an inch away. But that was stopped short when Pansy looked up to realise Malfoy was standing, perhaps ten feet from them, witnessing everything. Her eyes widened and she gave a small squeak, but before she could even do or say anything, Malfoy turned and walked away.

A/N: Please R&R!


	8. Chapter 8

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

Chapter 8

That night, everyone looked pretty pissed off. Carmen and Daphne were eyeing each other, making sure that neither of them said a thing. Jade sat near them, looking between the two with an air of discomfort. Draco was busily chopping up his pork chop, which ended up taking the shape of pork mash by the end of the meal, and Pansy was sobbing into her bread roll a few seats away. The only person that didn't look discontented was Nott, his eyes glinting, and perhaps Crabbe and Goyle who never showed much variation in their facial expressions.

What Carmen noticed was Malfoy's abandonment of the female kind. He was always a natural womaniser, but tonight he sat with his right-hand-man, Blaise brooding over some deep and meaningful subject in a dark manner. Once or twice he would look up in the direction of Pansy and narrow his eyes, the same one he never fails to do in front Potter.

The incident didn't take long to reach Carmen's ears, and indeed everybody else it concerned. But that was as far as it went. Everyone in Slytherin knew of the "unwritten" rule that everything concerning Slytherin would stay within Slytherin. 

There wasn't much exchange in words between Malfoy and Pansy, despite Pansy's attempts. Until one day…

Malfoy had just closed and locked the door to the equipment shed, where he came face to face with Pansy. Her eyes were red, though they had been like that for quite a few days. He looked at her coldly, then turned to leave, only to be grabbed by the arm.

"Wait," she cried out. "I need to talk to you."

"Let go of me! I don't want to talk so why don't you cry and tell Nott!" 

"I will, but in a minute!" Pansy yelled. That stopped Malfoy. Pansy, seeing that he had stopped wriggling out of her grasp, let go and said, "Look, I'm sorry."

After a pause, Malfoy asked, "Is that all you want to say? That you're _sorry_?"

"Yeah, pretty much. I'm sorry that I cheated on you…"

"Last year _and_ this year."

"And in between," corrected Pansy.

"_What?!_" 

"Whoops."

Malfoy gaped at her at some time, but then took a breath and said, "I shouldn't be surprised…"

Pansy looked sour but composed herself and then said, "Nott's not that bad you know."

"What do you mean, _not that bad_?"

"He can be a nice person…"

"Yeah, until last year when…"

"Only because he was jealous that he didn't get the position of Quidditch Captain." Draco paused. There wasn't much point in arguing anymore. Pansy though, continued, "He only did that to get you back, but then… but then…"

"Then what?"

"… He started to like me." Malfoy tried hard to contain his laughter. 

"So why did _you_ do it? Because you _like him_?"

"I suppose…" she trailed off, looking self conscious.

"I've had enough of this. Good bye," and with that, he turned and left.

………………………………………….

Carmen walked into the Slytherin common room closely followed by Jade. As soon as they set foot in the room, they noticed a crowd had gathered around a pair who seemed to be shouting profanities at each other. They both gathered around to see who it was.

It was Pansy and Daphne.

A/N: Please R&R! Dun dun duuuum!!!! Right, well, that's my pathetic attempt at describing scary music. How about you insert the first two bars of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony… that's pretty scary. So, people are starting to act pretty badly and the scene is starting to look pretty dark. Look out for my next chapter – it's a killer. I can't wait to start it! More turmoil to come and there'll be more of Carmen! But while you're waiting, R&R please!


	9. Chapter 9

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

Chapter 9

"You bitch!" Daphne shouted. "You knew that I wanted him!"

"Don't blame me! He was the one who came to me!" Pansy yelled back.

But Daphne wasn't convinced, "You knew it! You did! You're doing this to spite me, aren't you?"

"Spite you?" Pansy's face darkened. "_Spite you?_ I can do worse things than this to spite you!"

"Then you did do it on purpose!"

"No I didn't! How many times do I have to tell you? Nott came to me! And if you don't mind, we're happy!" Daphne's complexion reddened and she flashed out her wand and pointed it threateningly at Pansy. Pansy instantly got the idea and pulled out hers. "Want to fight over it, its fine with me. It's not going to change anything, but let's see what you've got!" and with that, a curse shot out of the end of Pansy's wand with a purple spark, only to be defended with a blocking charm.

"Is that the best you can do? You're worse than an idiot on brain steroids!" Spat Daphne. Carmen and Jade made their way through the crowd to the front and sat down in the front row.

"You stupid…" _Smack!_ Pansy slapped Daphne across the face, and in a fraction of a second, a red hand print was clearly visible on Daphne's cheek. Daphne abandoned her wand and charged at Pansy and they both fell to the ground, grabbing and pawing at each other.

Carmen couldn't contain herself any longer: she had to do it. "Well, good afternoon ladies and gentlemen and we're back to the Slytherin common room, for the final round between Pansy Parkinson and Daphne Greengrass," she started saying in a nasal British radio-commentator voice. Everyone immediately started laughing and enjoying themselves more. 

Jade joined in, "And what a smashing show, we're having, eh Herbert? The weather is fine and the contestants are only starting to warm up!"

"Absolutely, my dear Winston. And what a jolly good hit by Greengrass! That's worth at lease five points!"

"Oh, goodness gracious me! I think its seven points for that artful display of arm biting there by Parkinson! Bravo!"

"But Greengrass is holding up well. My goodness, is that a bruise I see forming already? And what a beauty! I think that'll definitely turn green!"

"Oh, and a jolly good hit from Parkinson! Oh no! I heard a definite rip from her robe then, not sure if her mother will be happy about that!"

"Ah, now that is what we call a show, now ladies and gentlemen! And to the little kiddies; don't try at this home!"

"That's right, children! And that's fantastic hair pulling by Parkinson! And what a brilliant comeback by Greengrass!"

By now the crowd that had grown in size by twice, were shouting, cheering, screaming, and "Ooh"ing and "Ah"ing. However, the battle had to stop as either of them would have gone until they both passed out or one of them was dead. Pucey, Nott's best friend was the first to break away from the circle of the crowd and grab Daphne and drag her away from Pansy. 

"Let go of me! I haven't finished with her yet!" Daphne snapped at Pucey, but was dragged away from Pansy who was nursing a scratch on her cheek. Daphne spat in Pansy's direction before she was dragged right out of the common room. The crowd began to split now that the entertainment was over, but they seemed satisfied that they were left with something memorable to talk about. 

………………………………………………

It seemed that everyone was there when the fight began: all except Malfoy. He was the last to know, and the least interested of everyone in Slytherin and when asked where he was, he simply told them to mind their own business. 

Carmen had great delight in trying to squeeze it out of him for the next few weeks. By the time she moved on to something else more annoyingly interesting, she had found out that he was alone. But Carmen had doubts.

However, it clicked about a week later, spending many hours brooding ideas upon it, watching Malfoy in his excerption from socialising and countless times with Blaise in what he thought was in "secrecy". But when it finally came to her, she banged open the common room door and charged straight to Jade and Daphne, who were sitting in the leather couches. 

"I've got it!" shouted Carmen, "I'm a fucking genius!"

"And what has Carmen, Lord of Secrets found out this time?" Daphne questioned, a little sarcastically

"That's _Lady_ of Secrets to you, Daphne. No, I've finally figured out why Malfoy's so antisocial with us!"

"And you don't suppose that that might be because he just got cheated on and broke up with his girlfriend?" Jade asked, one eyebrow raised.

Carmen looked at Jade frankly, "Okay that would play a part also."

"So are you going to tell us or not, Lady Carmen?" Daphne asked impatiently.

Carmen took a deep breath and readied herself for the moment, "Malfoy's been so antisocial because he's been trying to find himself."

"What? Is that it? You're trying to tell us that Malfoy is off his rocker every moment of the day on Gillywig stings?" Jade asked. Daphne let out an uncontainable snort.

"Fuck off. No, what I mean is that Malfoy's gay!"

"_What?!_"

A/N: Please R&R! Uh-oh! Another problem to add to the assorted bag we have already. So… what do you think'll happen? Can you think of any ways to end this crisis? If you have any ideas, let me know! And I'll tell you if you're close…


	10. Chapter 10

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

Chapter 10

Immediately after the fight, Daphne could be seen being dragged out of the Slytherin common room by a seventh year, Nott's best friend, Pucey. Daphne didn't stop struggling to get back to the common room to further beat up Pansy until they reached the lake. Pucey sat the angry heap down on the grass and sat down next to her.

"Why the hell did you bring me here for?" Daphne questioned angrily.

"Just taking you away from the public eye so that you can cool down a little, before you did something you'd have regreted," replied Pucey coolly.

Daphne sat silent while she pulled clumps of grass out, rather violently. Pucey just looked on calmly, sometimes quirking a small grin when Daphne would come out in angry murmurs. They sat there quietly for sometime.

At last, Daphne came to a point where she was calm enough to make conversation. "So, Pucey," she started. She searched for something to say, now that she had broken the silence. "So…"

But he was the one who started it. "So, obviously you like Nott, huh?"

Daphne's cheeks tinged. She looked down at the patches of dirt apearing through the grass. "Yeah, I suppose. But what's the point? Stupid Pansy pushover Parkinson got to him first." Daphne added a tone of loathing to the last sentence.

"But a guy who doesn't notice you, isn't worth your effort anyhow," Pucey put in.

Daphne dwelt on the thought. However her thoughts were broken when Pucey suddenly, but softly, lent in and pressed his lips against hers.

……………………………………………..

Unable to concentrate on her homework, Carmen sighed while looking at the form of Malfoy, sitting alone in the furthest corner of the common room. He was reading a book, one of the few in Slytherin who did. But his reading was interrupted when Blaise came to sit next to Malfoy, whose face tensed first, then softened.

She felt that it was such a shame, a shame that he would shut himself like that. He had been antisocial for the last month, sitting at the end of the Slytherin table or choosing to speak to only Blaise. One thing was for sure: he would avoid Pansy incessantly. Once, Carmen caught him running to hide behind a tapestry when Pansy walked through the common room from her dormitory to the hall way. The only time he would be seen in the same room as her would be in class, when he was forced to be in the same room with her, and even then, he would shuffle to the furthest perimeter from her presence.

But tonight was when Carmen made her decision – enough was enough. If he wasn't going to break through his bloody shell, then she was going to crack it bloody open herself.

She put her quill down and walked over to the corner where Malfoy and Blaise sat talking quietly. It seemed that she had interrupted their conversation when she came over. Malfoy immediately put on his cold scowl and growled, "What do you want?"

"I want to talk to you." She said, and looking side ways at Blaise, she added, "Alone."

Malfoy gave a sigh, put his book down and got up, grudgingly, and walked outside the common room door.

"Alright, hear me through," Carmen said first, while Malfoy gave her a distasteful look. "I don't care how you feel or what you think, but I'm going to make you do it, no matter what."

"Make me do what, exactly?" Malfoy quirked an eyebrow.

"You're such an antisocial dumbfuck that I'm going to make you socialise."

"Socialise?"

"Yeah. You know, talking, laughing, making jokes, exchanging personal opinions? _For god's sake, at least be in a room with more than half a dozen people._"

Malfoy gave a short laugh. "Right, you're going to _make_ me. I'll believe it when I see it."

Carmen looked at him and said, "Well, I'm just warning you." She added a little sneer for added effect.

A/N: R&R please! So sorry this took so long! Another full week, with teachers throwing homework at us like we couldn't get enough of it! Well, there you go –teachers. They're a bit like politicians… they have a totally different thought system and totally different values… come to think of it, they're probably a totally different race! Anyway, more stuff coming up soon – I'll make sure I write a few chappies for good measure this weekend. Ciao.


	11. Chapter 11

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

Chapter 11

Day One

Carmen woke up with a notion that she _was_ going to succeed. With her mind full of anticipation and positive attitudes, she crept into the boys' dormitory to start the day with a bright and cheerful wake-up call.

The boys' dormitory was darkened, its blinds still drawn over the small and grubby windows high up the wall. Watery light shone through half heartedly, as the common room was situated under the lake. But the sleepy atmosphere was about to be broken into tiny little pieces as Carmen crept up, an evil grin playing at her mouth and her eyes shining like that of a leopard on a pray. She neared the four-poster bed in which Malfoy lay asleep, some what… clumsily. His pillows were thrown to the ground, his sheets were tangled and his arms and legs were sprawling out in odd directions – sort of made him look like a deformed scarecrow. She stood back and examined him momentarily, but then went closer to wake him up. She took in a deep breath, and just as she was about to yell out a "good morning", a sudden enormous snore which made the window rattle, came from one of the four-poster bed and made Carmen jump three feet into the air. Her heart raced, but then subsided a little, when she found the owner of the snore to be Crabbe. Miraculously, no-one in the room woke, nor did they stir in the slightest bit. Carmen gave them all a very strange look and proceeded with her plan.

Carmen, once again crept up to Malfoy, and yelled out, after checking for an on-coming snore, "Rise and shine, Draco Malfoy, it's a beautiful day!"

Silence.

Confused, she tried again.

Silence again.

Frustrated this time, she placed a hand on his shoulder and shook him, but he only mumbled a few incomprehensible words and then continue to sleep. She tried once again for good measure, but with out success. The only reaction she got from him was a garbled, "No mummy, don't let that peanut butter sandwich eat me… no…"

That was it. Carmen was going to get her perfect 'bright and cheerful' wake-up call, whether it was 'bright and cheerful' or not. "Wake up, you fucking lazy shit head! It's morning and the sun is fucking shining away to sunburn your pale ass!! _Come on, you stupid nob head!!!_" and she shook him from both shoulders, his head lolling from side to side.

Draco began to say faintly, "I'm awake, I'm awake... I said _I'm awake!_ Stop shaking me, woman, I'M BLOODY AWAKE, ALRIGHT?!"

Carmen stopped, after snapping at the realisation that he was in fact awake, getting a little carried away. She stopped, came to her wits and said in a 'bright and cheerful' voice, "Good morning, Draco."

………………………………………………

After Carmen's 'bright and cheerful' wake up, Malfoy never trusted Carmen again – especially in the mornings. Malfoy was the kind of person that was _always_ in a bad mood when woken up, and naturally, everyone just left him. But Carmen's 'wake up call' definitely started off a very 'bright and cheerful' morning. Carmen felt half satisfied that she had gotten what she wanted, but _au contraire _to Malfoy, after being set into a bad mood for the whole day. Malfoy made sure to warn Carmen that if she was to wake him up again, he wouldn't advise it; otherwise she'd find herself either badly cursed or transfigured into a yak. Carmen warned him that if she were to be transfigured into a yak, she'd be one angry yak and most likely to stomp his four-poster into pieces, making sure every little bit of Malfoy was squashed. Malfoy paled slightly and went on shovelling scrambled eggs into his mouth.

All day, Carmen hung around Malfoy and tried to get some form of speech out of him, or any humanly reactions that might have meant that he wasn't ignoring her. She tried jokes, puns, clichés, contradictions, racist comments, even self hurt. But part from a few annoyed looks from Malfoy, none prevailed and she went to bed with her head empty with ideas, and her body aching from the self inflicted pain. But Carmen was no where from done. She was only beginning.

A/N: R&R please! Woohoo! Australia now has her first Aussie royalty and finally Denmark has a home-grown, _Australian_ princess! Congrats to Fred and Mary! Hm, I remember Denmark… nice place, but cold. I think I spent something like AU$200 on rides at the Tivoli. Meh, it was fun. Anyway, more funny Carmen stuff coming up!


	12. Chapter 12

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

Chapter 12

Day Two

Wand in hand, Carmen pushed the boys' dormitory door open and crept up to the bed, in a similar manner as yesterday. Learning from yesterday's experiences, she put down her wand, grabbed both shoulders and shook furiously. "Waiky, waiky Draco! Its morning!! And guess who's here to make one special person's life absolute hell!!!"

"Don't tell me… _I'm _the special person?" Malfoy murmured in a pained voice.

"You can bet your fucking Nimbus Two Thousand and One that you are! And one _hell _of a day is coming to you!"

………………………………………………

That afternoon, they had Potions. Everyone was paired up, and to Malfoy's dismay, his pair was Carmen. Carmen was unable to hide a grin of evil contentment. This, to her was going to be fun.

As they were busily bubbling and boiling that day's special potion, Malfoy started to rummage through his small collection of basic ingredients to find some scarab beetles. But, he was out of luck and decided to go through Carmen's things. "I'm going to take some scarab beetles from your stuff," he told her.

"Yeah, sure," she casually said while chopping up slugs. Malfoy gave a sigh of relief when she started to speak in English again. All morning, Carmen had babbled to him in Russian, and was not able to get one word of sense out of her. But as he turned around and picked up jars of random things, he heard her say in a dark voice, "No, don't let him touch your things." Confused, he turned around to ask whether she was talking to him. But he was interrupted.

"Oh, don't talk like that," Carmen's brighter voice said.

The darker voice; "I can talk in any way I like."

"Seems you haven't changed in the slightest since we met last, Evil Carmen. Are you still taking over Carmen's mind, setting a few things on fire perhaps?"

Malfoy couldn't believe his eyes or his ears; Carmen's two personalities were having a conversation!

"Hah, you know me well, Good Carmen. But setting things on fire isn't really my thing. What I do is much better, like..."

"I don't think I want to know this," Carmen's good side cut in.

"Hello, hello. What's happening today?" this was a different tone from the previous voices of Carmen. Malfoy's eyes boggled slightly, there was a third personality.

"Intelligent Carmen! It's been so long! How are things?"

"You know, the usual," the third voice said. "Trying to sieve through all the junk these teachers feed to her and shoving more useful things into the brain."

"What? Like how to revive a person having a heart attack?" the darker voice scoffed.

The third personality, "No, nothing like that. Just things like Russian swear words and how arsenic reacts to the body."

"Oh, how interesting! Do tell us!" the first personality chirped.

"Well, first of all, it starts to dissolve your throat, so it stops all air from entering your lungs, then it moves on to… well, to cut a long story short, it kills you after suffering a very long and very painful death."

"Hmm, I like that. Let's say we try it out," the evil voice said.

"Now, there's an ideas person!" it turned out that the 'Good Carmen' was not so good after all. "How about we try it on that Malfoy boy?"

Malfoy paled and looked down at the jar in his hand, labelled 'Arsenic'. His eyes widened in horror. _Why the hell would she keep arsenic among her potions ingredients?_

"Good idea…" Carmen said in her evil voice and turned to face Malfoy. He looked at her, his eyes popping out. Carmen gave her a little smile and said, "Cheese!" The next thing he knew, Carmen had pulled out something and a bright light flashed in his eyes, becoming partially blind. Once the dancing lights were out of his vision, he saw her grinning from ear to ear holding a black camera and rolling around on the floor laughing her head off.

"No photographing in the dungeons!" bellowed Snape.

A/N: R&R please!!! So what did everyone think? Oh and just for the record – Carmen is not schizophrenic! She just did that to freak out Draco … and she got a good photo of him in the process. Anyway, I though it was pretty funny. I often invite my split personalities to join a conversation... Come to think of it, I don't think I've met my evil side in a long while. :)


	13. Chapter 13

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

Chapter 13

Day Three

Carmen crept up to the bed again the next morning. However upon her arrival, she didn't find Malfoy in the same position as usual. He slept on his back, his sheets laid out perfectly, not a crease in sight and his hands together on his stomach. But Carmen thought nothing of it, and went to put both her hands on his shoulders to shake him awake. But suddenly, two hands grabbed each of Carmen's wrists and with a squawk, she was pulled down towards Malfoy's sleeping body. But Malfoy was no longer sleeping.

Carmen and Malfoy were now face to face, their noses only inches apart, and Malfoy's alert eyes dug into that of Carmen's. "Thought you could catch me again, didn't you?" Malfoy said quietly, through gritted teeth.

"Yes, actually," she replied, her heart starting to slow down. "But I didn't contemplate getting this close to you," she said, observing the proximity between the two.

Malfoy noticed also, and quickly said before letting go of her wrists, "Don't _ever_ wake me up again. Understand? Or you could find yourself in a tricky situation."

"Like what?" Carmen said, rubbing her wrists. His grip was threatening. But an evil smirk came on her face and she said, "Like this?" and she got up onto the bed, closed the hangings on the four-poster bed and straddled him. Malfoy grew scarlet and was unable to look into Carmen's eyes. She gave a short laugh and got off, sat on the end of the bed and said, "You don't scare me, Mr Malfoy." Malfoy shot her a look as she exited the room.

………………………………………………

Damn, Carmen thought as she exited the room. Why did she do that? It was obvious that Malfoy could stand that sort of thing, since he wasn't in to girls anymore. But Carmen thought of the expression she could have caught on his face with her camera if he hadn't been gay and straddled him in the same way. She couldn't help but grin.

Breakfast, everyone was shovelling food into their mouths, opening letters and parcels, and talking. That was when Carmen thought of her actions for today.

"Quid habes primi te?" (What do you have first?) Carmen asked Malfoy who was bighting into a bagel. Malfoy ignored her.

She repeated herself, "Quid habes primi te?"

"Did you say something?" he looked up and asked.

"Narravi ego, quid habes primi te?" (I said, what do you have first?) Carmen said.

"What?" Malfoy questioned, looking at her oddly.

"Quid habes primi te? Netu Latinum agnosces?" (What do you have first? Don't you understand Latin?)

"_Huh?_"

"Est facilis videre quot ne tenes Latinum. Forsit, est bene si iam incipis discere Latium, hmm?" (It's easy to see that you don't know Latin. Perhaps, it's good to start learning Latin now, hmm?)

Malfoy began to get frustrated. "Great! First you start to ramble on in Russian and now you're speaking… Latin? What are you going to do next? Dress up as a Yiddish grandmother and dance in wooden clogs? Just speak English!"

"Non Dracus."

"No, Draco." Malfoy tried translating.

"Bene."

"Good."

"Te discere Latinum incipis." (You're starting to learn Latin)

"I've no idea what you're saying!"

"Durus." (Tough)

"Ugh!" Malfoy threw his hands up in frustration and walked off. Walking behind him, Carmen smiled evilly and started to get the giggles.

A/N: Please R&R! So, what do you think? Just a little fooling around – never hurt anyone… Ah, I love Latin – best language in the world. Bloody complicated; but good. Just one thing, that Yiddish grandmother thing was my friend Lisa (Alias: Mousie2). At our school, we have this tradition where we have to learn a song, and some people have to prove they know it by standing up and doing it in front of the whole school, and basically, she's dared our English teacher to do just that! While dressed up as a Yiddish grandmother, dancing in clogs and singing in a Russian accent… can't wait. Hehe. More stuff coming up soon!


	14. Chapter 14

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

Chapter 14

Day Four

When Carmen crept into the boys' dormitory for the fourth day in a row, she found the hangings on Malfoy's four-poster to be shut for the first time. She neared it, and pulled the hangings aside to find Malfoy, sitting cross-legged on his bed with his wand pointing straight at her.

"What did I tell you about waking me up?" he looked malicious.

"Just one thing," Carmen began. "I didn't wake you up this morning."

"But you were going to, if I had been sleeping," accused Malfoy.

She crossed her arms and smirked. "Naturally," she said.

"Get out," he said bluntly.

"Make me," she held stead fast. Malfoy looked thoughtful. He got off his bed and walked over to his trunk and took out a parcel. It turned out to be his weekly parcel of sweets from home, and from that, he took out a block of Honeyduke's Best Chocolate. Carmen's eyes widened as she saw him break a small piece off and pop it into his mouth.

Then, as if just noticing that she was there, he looked up and offered, "Want some?" Carmen's head nodded furiously – chocolate was her one and only weakness. Malfoy gave a smirk, and then broke off another piece. He threw it towards her and she automatically ran after it to catch it in her mouth. She chewed happily.

When she had finished, Malfoy threw another one to her, then another, and another. All the while, getting gradually closer to the door of the dormitory, and finally, she was out of the room and Malfoy shut the door firmly, locking it. He then clapped his hands, as if dusting them off, and returned to his bed to make use of the remaining time to sleep.

……………………………………………..

"Millicent?" Carmen called out in a sweet voice.

"Mmm." she replied

"Can I borrow your cat?"

Millicent's eyes narrowed, "what for?"

Carmen tried to look as innocent as possible, "Oh, just for some homework."

Millicent hesitated before giving her consent, not liking the smile on Carmen's face.

…………………………………………….

Transfiguration was probably one of Carmen's least favourite classes. In her opinion, the subject wasn't bad, but the teacher, as she often referred to as 'the chalk-and-talk mushroom fogy" was a different matter.

Today, Carmen had arrived in class without having attempted her homework, but looked confident as she shouldered a bulging school bag, that was wriggling and making spitting sounds. The people around her looked at it curiously, and Millicent looked pale.

Suddenly, McGonagall came bustling in, her emerald green robes billowing behind her. "Sit down. Now, I will be collecting your essays that were issued to you in our previous lessons." Everyone began to shuffle papers and books to get them out, as McGonagall moved from desk to desk, taking in rolls of parchment. But as she came to where Carmen sat, she looked down disapprovingly. "Where is your homework, Miss Davies?"

"There was a slight complication," she started to explain.

McGonagall rolled her eyes, "What is it this time, Miss Davies? Was it a stampede of over grown partridges that stopped you, or was it the recent storm of Flobber Worms we had?"

"Actually, no." Carmen reached down to her bag and wrestled out a very ruffled and angry black cat – Millicent's cat. McGonagall looked alarmed as Carmen offered it to her.

"What do you mean by this?" McGonagall's voice was tight.

"My cat ate my homework. So sorry for the inconvenience, but if you'd still like it, you might be able to find it, half digested in its stomach," offered Carmen.

McGonagall drew herself up, "Miss Davies, is this a joke?"

"No, Ma'am. It really ate my homework." Carmen reminisced of her break before Transfiguration class, when she was scrunching up her essay into little balls and feeding it to the cat. She mentally reminded herself that she had to warn Millicent if the cat was to cough up parchment balls, then she shouldn't worry… it would end in a few days.

McGonagall took some deep breaths. "Very well," she said after a while. "This is not to happen again, do you understand? These things should not be happening during your sixth year at Hogwarts. It is only a year until you will be standing for your N.E.W.T.S and it is time that you took some initiative and responsibility towards your work…" Blah, blah, blah was all Carmen heard from McGonagall's lecture. It wasn't long until Carmen began to lose interest. But she snapped out of her day dream when McGonagall changed the subject. "In the mean time, I shall talk to your Head of House to discuss the proximity between your living environments and your pets," and she walked along the rest of the desks to collect the remainder of the papers. Millicent rolled her eyes at her, as did Pansy, and at the back of the room, Malfoy was unable to keep his laughter.

Another day, another chance, another excuse.

A/N: R&R! So what's the score? Good? Fantastic? Brilliant? Let me know by reviewing! Think Carmen's starting to lose the plot? Maybe, maybe not. But Malfoy will wizen up soon! More Carmen/Draco stuff coming up!   
P.S. Sorry if the chapter 13 was a bit short – I like to keep everyone on their toes!


	15. Chapter 15

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my boarding buddies, Rinnie and Aviva who the later (very colourful) conversation was inspired from, one very dark and cold Sunday night.

Chapter 15

Day Five

This was the fifth time Carmen had gone into the boys' dormitory to wake up Draco Malfoy. But her usual excitement of seeing Malfoy's annoyed face disappeared when she saw him, sitting up, awake, and reading a book. "Oh," she whined. "You're up."

He looked up from his book with a smirk, "Disappointed?"

"No," she quickly said. Malfoy gave her a disbelieving look. She corrected herself, "Not really." He still looked at her the same way, he could see right through her. "Maybe," she said defiantly. But looking at his expression again, she had no choice but to change it once again, "Okay, maybe a little."

"Come off it," he said.

"Fine, I am. Happy now?"

"Without doubt."

Carmen glared at him.

…………………………………………………..

Dinner was always a cheerful time.

"How many holes are there in a crumpet?" Carmen asked for the eighth time. She sat beside Malfoy who was steadily growing red with anger and trying desperately to ignore her.

"I don't know," Malfoy said for the eighth time, his teeth gritted.

"Oh," she said. After a few minutes, she asked again, "How many holes are there in a crumpet?"

"I said I don't know." He said each word slowly and made sure he articulated every one of them, in an attempt to get it through her head. But he lost his temper when Carmen tried the same question again. "Look," he yelled after slamming the fork down, "I don't know how many fucking holes there are in a fucking bagel!"

"Crumpet," Carmen corrected him.

"What ever!"

"Did I hear Draco Malfoy use the word 'fuck' for the first time?" Blaise Zabini popped his head in, who was sitting near Malfoy.

"Yes, you did," chirped Carmen. "Twice," she added with glee.

"Look, it doesn't matter if I fucking swear."

"Three times," Blaise began counting.

"Anyway, you've asked me 'how many holes are there in a crumpet'… one, two…eight, nine, _ten times_!"

"Funny that, I was just about to ask you that exact question," Carmen said blankly.

"Ugh! You are so fucking annoying!" Malfoy yelled at her.

"Four," added Blaise.

"Stop counting!"

"He can fucking count whenever he fucking wants," said Carmen.

"Oh, sod off," Malfoy said to Carmen.

She snorted, "Hah, is that all you can do? Tell me to _sod off_?"

"No," he said insolently.

"Let's hear it then," she urged him.

"Look, just fuck off, will you? You've fucking woken me up at 6:30 every morning for the last five fucking days and I'm tired and sick of you!" Malfoy began to go on a roll.

"Now, that's what I'm fucking talking about!" Carmen said, cheering him on.

"I'm fucking sick of fucking everything. The fucking teachers, the fucking Gryffindors, the fucking Wonder Trio, the fucking homework, this whole fucking school! So just fucking shove that fucking roast fucking chicken in your fucking mouth and fuck off."

"I fucking think you're getting on a fucking roll, here. Not to fucking mention, you're fucking literate of the word 'fuck'. I fucking commend you."

"I fucking thank you."

"But I fucking suppose, if I fucking asked you how your fucking day was, I wouldn't really fucking get a fucking different fucking answer, would I?" Carmen said, trying to slot any variation of the word 'fuck' in any possible space.

"You fucking got that fucking right."

"Those fucking teachers need to fucking get a fucking calming potion. Fucking pain in the fucking asses," Carmen brooded.

"It's about fucking time the fucking holidays were here. I'm fucking sick of this fucking school. How the fuck are you fucking getting home?"

"Not fucking going home, these fucking holidays. My fucking parents are going to be fucking away in fucking Czechoslovakia. Don't know what the fuck they're going to fucking do there. Fucking hole of a place. Can you fucking pass me the fucking water fucking jug?" she asked.

"Here you fucking go," Malfoy said, passing the water jug to her.

"This is a fucking good meal, isn't it? The fucking roast potatoes are fucking great."

"Fuck yeah," Draco replied.

At that point, neither of them were able to contain their laughter anymore.

A/N: R&R! Okay, I wanted to thank these people for being such great people because they reviewed and other various reasons. You're legends!!!!  
Rinnie – thanks for all your inspiration in bringing out the Carmen in me  
Sar – even though you sent the same review 5 times, thanks for your enthusiasm :)  
Aviva – thanks for your humour, friendship and unique outlook on life  
Lisa-mousie – thanks for all your whacky humour  
Kaiba's Run-away Bride5 – thanks for all your enthusiasm!  
Lila Bloom-Felton – thank you for your on-going support!  
Whippy Bird  
Fire Guardian   
Feliscorvis  
Abbey  
Prowling Kit Kat  
Ahlam  
FinniganIrish  
Stardrops


	16. Chapter 16

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

A/N: Just a note to everyone that this'll be the only one for this weekend, because I'm going 'travelling' with my dad – you all know what that means… I just hope to god that I don't end up stranded on the side of a road near Bega with dad fiddling under the bonnet. Wish me luck!

Chapter 16

Day Six… it's pay back time…

The clock in the Slytherin common room ticked to a quarter past six. In fifteen minutes time, Carmen would be awake to start the day with a spot of Malfoy waking. But today, in Malfoy's mind, was pay back.

He exited his own dormitory and crossed the room to the stairs leading to the girls' dormitory. He started to climb the stairs, but before he could take more than half a dozen steps, the stairs automatically disappeared into a slide, leaving Malfoy to fall painfully on his backside and skid the rest of the way down, face first. He got up, cradling his rear and looked at the stairs as if it was Harry Potter. "Stupid stairs," he brooded. But an idea came to his mind and he quickly made a u-turn to his dormitory again.

Exactly three minutes and twenty three seconds later, he was at the foot of the stairs again, only this time, he wore a bath towel as a skirt, a head of a mop as a wig and some high-heels he found lying around in the common room – he was dressed up as a girl. He blushed even through there wasn't anyone around, as he examined his exterior. If, he though, _if_ any of his friends, no, _anyone at all_, saw what he saw now, there would be no living it down.

Looking up at the dozen or so steps to the girls' dormitory, he walked determinedly, through fairly wobbly seeing that he was walking in heals, up the steps. But at about half way, the stairs seemed to decide that the intruder was in fact male, and eliminated him. So once again, Draco Malfoy was at the bottom of the stairs, in a pile with a towel, a mop head and a pair of now-broken high heals. "Stupid, pro-feminist, bloody stairs," he brooded to himself again. He supposed that there wasn't a chance of him walking up, as he was not ready to change his natural anatomy so to climb a set of stairs. But then he stopped. He couldn't climb them, no. _But he could fly up._

As quick as anything, he ran back to his dormitory, made himself look fairly acceptable and grabbed his Nimbus Two Thousand and One from his trunk. In the common room, he mounted it, and said good-bye to the obstacle that was below him and flew to the door of the girls' dormitory. The time was twenty five past six.

Five minutes until Carmen was due to wake up, and Malfoy had made it into her dormitory, without waking anyone else up. He crept up to one of the nearest bed to find Pansy sleeping with her mouth wide open. He leapt back a little, but then moved on the next bed. He found Millicent, or so he thought, sleeping head down into her pillow; he wondered how she could breath. The next bed was occupied by Daphne. Daphne was usually the 'pretty' one, but in her slumbering was a different matter. He moved on.

He found the next bed to be empty. He quickly checked the last bed, which in it was Jade, and then looked again at the bed in front of him; no Carmen. He looked under the bed to check if she was hiding; no Carmen. He looked on the floor of the room; no Carmen. He went and checked under every single bed; no Carmen. But when he had nearly given up hope, he heard a snore… from above. He glanced up, and was alarmed to find Carmen, sleeping, snoring, and _floating_ at about six feet in the air.

"What the…" he said to himself, looking up half-marvel and half-befuddled. But that was broken when the clock ticked to half past and rung one eerie _bong_. Carmen gave a sudden snore, sat up in mid air, and fell, landing on her rear with a squawk.

"Ah, fuck," she started to say to herself, but then realised that Malfoy was in the room. "Oh _fuck_," she said a little too loud, but he quickly clamped his hand on her mouth to silence her. She threw his hand off and said in a very tense and loud whisper, "What in the fucking world are you fucking doing here?"  
Then in a quiet, but sing-song sort of voice, Malfoy said, "Wakie-wakie Carmen! The sun's out and it's beautiful day!"

"Oh, fuck you."

A/N: R&R! Like what you read, R&R! Don't like what you read, R&R! Don't give a flying fuck about it, R&R anyway!   
Sorry if this was a little short – but I thought it was crucial… so I wrote it… then it sort of grew… and I thought it would be good enough to put up as its own chapter. I'll see about slotting in a bit of Daphne/Pucey here and there, but that's about all I can do. :)   
By the way, Daphne Greengrass _is_ actually a character in Slytherin – she isn't in the book, but her name was listed down on J.K Rowling's notebook. Carmen Davies basically came from Tracy Davis (also on the list), but that name somehow didn't really fit…   
Thanks for everyone who enjoyed my last chapter (bows) … yes, the conversation was _very_ colourful, but I thought it was hilarious. And don't worry, there should be more of that coming soon (but maybe not as full-on as the last one).

Get well soon, Lila Bloom-Felton!!! By the way, how did you hurt your knee???


	17. Chapter 17

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

Chapter 17

Day Seven

Carmen basically gave up on annoying Malfoy… or at least the wake up calls anyway. As much as it was Carmen's every malicious pleasure to make sure his sweet dreams were shattered at six thirty every morning, once the victim started to wake up before you, somehow the fun wears away. So this morning, she enjoyed a connivingly well-deserved sleep-in… or so she thought.

"Wake up, Carmen! Come on, chop-chop! Time to get up! It's morning and the sun's shining!" an unusually high-pitched, very loud and very fast voice yelled in her ear. Carmen painfully opened one eye, dreading to find Malfoy beside her bed. But quite the opposite.

Pansy was jumping around on her bed, hair flying, still in her pyjamas and high as a kite. She bounced around the room for a while, yapping and chatting and chittering away, until she finally sprung out of the dormitory and into the common room. The rest of the dorm was up, and she looked around at the others with a dumbfounded face and was returned with a similar befuddled expression. The only person who gave her a different reaction was Daphne, looking sly. It was later on, while on her way to breakfast, that Carmen saw her dispose an empty vial of powdered Gillyweed stings in the bin…

………………………………………………….

Pansy was still bouncing around that night, while everyone was doing their homework in the common room. At least she's staying in one area, thought Carmen. All day, she had not stopped moving, fidgeting, laughing, talking, squawking… but now she was jumping up and down on the couch. Irritated by her, most of the Slytherins were congregated to the opposite side of the common room.

Carmen was there too, scratching away at a piece of parchment, thinking of lots of fluff to fill up the numerous inches she had to scribble in. And unfortunately for her, she became an easy target when Malfoy walked in, after finishing his hours on Prefect duty. His eyes narrowed, and he soon came back with his school books and sat next to her.

"Evening," he said.

Carmen ignored him.

"Working hard?"

She still ignored him.

"Are you going to answer me?"

This time, she gave a sigh, looked up slightly and went back to work again. Malfoy started to get a little pissed off, and after finishing a long day, a long and cold hour in the halls on duty, and now a long night of homework ahead, he wasn't exactly feeling all that dandy. He got his quill, dipped it deeply into his ink well and spluttered the ink onto Carmen's homework.

"Oi!" she yelled at him. "What the fuck do you think you're fucking doing?"

"Getting your attention," he replied coolly. She glared at him, but went on with her work. But then after a few minutes, she too went to dip her quill in her ink well and flicked the nib at Malfoy's face.

"Agh!" He almost yelped, wiping the ink off his face with the sleave of his school robe. But then, before Carmen could even smirk, he got his quill again and flick ink back at Carmen. Carmen responded with throwing her ink well at him, the glass bottle hitting him in the forehead.

After a while, the whole common room looked like a war zone. Somehow, other students started to get involved, less because they happened to make a mess of others' homework, but more so for the fun of it. The dozen or so people, including Carmen and Draco, were streaked, dripping and drenched in ink, and the common room too was covered in it, strewn with litter and pieces of parchment.

But as it always does, every party has a party-pooper and the fun always has to come to an end – and what an end it would be.

Snape walked in for the fortnightly house meeting and found nearly everyone sodden in ink and chucking stationery. "What is the meaning of this?" he bellowed when everyone had come to a halt. All who were blackened stood still, at attention. Snape repeated himself, "What is the meaning of this?"

Carmen was the brave enough to speak, "Re-enacting a war, sir." A few snorts came from the students around her and Snape cast a warning eye at her.

"Really? Which war?"

"The first."

"And they fought with _ink_, did they?"

Carmen stood silent.

"Who started this?" he asked. Everyone looked guiltily towards either Carmen or Draco, and the two who were standing next to each other, pointed each other's finger at the other. "Right," Snape said shortly. "Mr Malfoy and Miss Davies will accompany me to my office, and while I speak to them, I suggest that all of you take a shower and be here promptly at nine thirty for our meeting."

Everyone immediately broke up, and Carmen followed Draco towards the door. But he turned before going through the door, and said quietly, "Ladies first."

A/N: R&R!

So what did you think? Really very sorry about not updating sooner… but somehow I actually survived going travelling with my Dad – even if we did travel five hundred kilometres (one way) in a paddock-basher (that's a truck). I think I might have looked a little like Pansy, bumping up and down while Dad put the pedal to the floor. Hah, if it has an engine, Dad is sure to drive anything like a sports car… men…

Anyway, apart from that, I just wanted to say thanks to my newest reviewer…Mari! You rock!!! I'm really glad you enjoyed my story so much!

And to chocol8skittle, ShE-wHo-EaTs-To-MuCh, Just-being-Anna, Clich' Brat, and Prowling Kit Kat – please, please, _please_ review, if you like this story enough to put my story on alert! Every skerrick of review is 100% absolutely totally appreciated!!!


	18. Chapter 18

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

Chapter 18

A/N: I'm having doubts as to continuing this story! I mean, if I don't get any (or close to none, and believe me, I'm VERY appreciative of you wonderful people who do – thanks mate!) then how am I to know if I should keep going or not? So R&R please, if you like this story!!!

Detention…

"Do you have any idea how stupid your actions were?" Snape asked with a severe eye.

Carmen and Malfoy stood side by side in Snape's office, their hands behind their backs and looking solemnly at the ground. Neither of them answered his question.

Carmen had been in detention a few times before, and knowing how cold and boring it was to be told off for fifteen minutes by Snape in his dungeon, her brain involuntarily switched itself off letting her mind wonder to a far off land. She was thinking about an army of wolves when Snape interrupted her thoughts. "Are you listening to me, Miss Davies?"

"Huh," she blurted out, but then corrected herself, "Yes, sir." Snape eyed her and continued with his lecture. In the end, after a lot of long and complicated words, it came down to them doing detention the following afternoon for two hours.

………………………………………….

Depressive was a word one could describe the next afternoon. Both were locked up in Snape's dungeon, scrubbing off remnants of giraffe liver and such from the wooden cutting boards and other domestic chores – without magic. Malfoy had a hand scrubber in one hand, and a wooden chopping board in the other, and was scrubbing away under some running water, rather bad moodily. Carmen on the other hand, was stacking jars in a pyramid, having a ball of a time.

Malfoy saw this and rolled his eyes. "Don't do that, you'll get us into even more trouble if you break them."

Carmen raised an eye brow, and with a smirk, shifted the bottom jar slightly. Malfoy jerked forward, seeing the pyramid wobble. She couldn't help but laugh.

"La conasse," (stupid idiot) he mumbled to himself.

"Hmm? What was that?"

"You wouldn't understand if you don't know French," he said, feeling proud of his (very small) French background.

"Excuse-moi, est-ce que dit-tu que je ne sais pas le francais?" (Excuse me, are you saying that I don't know French?) Carmen looked at him determinedly, as Malfoy fought off surprise to think of a comeback.

"Ta gueule" (shut up) he said. "T'es bon pour t'appeller xelory que tu sais trop" (You're a crazy person who knows too much)

"Et le cerveau il etait en option chez toi, n'etait-ce pas?" (And the brain was optional for you, was it?) She said with a laugh.

"Je t'emmerde! Tu me prends la tête!" (Screw you! You're pissing me off!) Malfoy said, looking down and scrubbing away at a board.

"Hah, as-tu fini? Vous êtes aussi utilequ'un frein à main sur un canoë." (Hah, are you finished? You're as useful as a hand break on a canoe.)

"Le réalité et toi, vous ne vous entendez pas, n'est-ce pas?" (Reality and you don't get on, do they?) he looked up and gripped his scrubber.

"Regardez, si les cerveaux étaient de l'essence, tu ne serait pas suffisants pour faire tourner un kart de fourmis à l'intérieur d'un beignet." (Look, if brains were gasoline, you wouldn't have enough to run a piss ant's go-kart around the inside of a donut.)

Malfoy tried his best insult, hoping to be able to stump her in anyway, "Essaye cette manoeuvre: Prendre 50-60 pas en arrière. Prendre plusieurs souffles profonds. Sprinter en avant à toute vitesse. Faire un triple saut périlleux en l'air et disparaître dans ton propre cul." (Try this manoeuvre: take 50-60 paces backwards. Take several deep breaths. Sprint forward at full speed. Do a triple summersault though the air and disappear up your own ass.)

At this, Carmen was stumped and resorted to the last option possible – "fuck you"s.

"Vas te faire enculer!" (Fuck off!)

"Vas te faire baiser!"(Get fucked!)

"Vas te faire mettre!" (Fuck you!)

"Allez à l'enfers!" (Go to hell!)

"Argh! You are _so _annoying!" Carmen said at last, exasperated by the direction in which the conversation was going.

"_ME?!_ _I'm annoying?_ So tell me what you've been doing to me for the last… _seven days?!_"

"Uh… trying to get you to socialise?"

Malfoy threw his arms into the air and then went back to scrubbing the boards. But it was a good thing that Snape came in when he did, otherwise Malfoy would have scrubbed a whole right through the wood.

"Alright, time's up. Finish what you're doing now and you may pick up your wands from my office," Snape drawled.

Both of them dropped their things and headed straight out of the dungeon. Once outside and out of Snape's ear-shot, Malfoy commented, "Je m'étonne si c'est difficile trouver une robe plus odieuse qu'il même…" (I wonder if it was difficult for him to find a robe more obnoxious than himself…)

Carmen held back her giggles.

A/N: R&R please!   
I guess a little French here and there never hurt anyone! French swearing is definitely an art. There's so many ways of just saying 'fuck you' and then, you can expand that into more elaborate sentences… or even paragraphs!   
And I guess Malfoy isn't as dumb as I'd like to think he is. But he's not an ultra-graceful elf, reeking with Veela beauty or anything… just human. Like you. Like me. :)

This is just my opinion, being an ex-fan of Tom Felton, do you think that fame has gotten to him a little? I mean, he started off as a cute Brit, but then he sorta descended into being an Eminem protégée. Does anyone think that's a _bit_ over-the-top? I mean, don't get me wrong, Eminem has my highest respect, but Tom is getting just a liiittle out of whack… especially in that recent photo shoot with his new hair cut and basket ball, looking all pro. Meh, I guess I'm just being cynical. I still like him, but not enough to keep on stalking him like I used to… hehe (the devil horns come out) Let me know what you think.


	19. Chapter 19

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

Chapter 19

It was nearing Christmas when the next social event was to be held – Hogsmeade. It was the weekend before some of the students would leave Hogwarts for the holiday season, and most had a mind to do their Christmas shopping now. This year though, Carmen would not be spending her holidays with her parents, and so to get rid of the self-neglected, nobody-likes-me-everybody-hates-me-I-think-I'll-go-and-eat-worms feeling, she treated herself to a little butterbeer.

After spending some time in Zonko's, the Slytherin Sixth years congregated at the Three Broomsticks. Ordering a round of butterbeers in the back of the pub, Carmen got her satchel of coins out (which was filled with only bronze Knuts) and started counting out each coin, _very_ slowly. After ten minutes of counting the exact number of coins needed, she handed the pile over to a very annoyed and slightly peeved Madam Rosmerta. Carrying a pint each, they all made their way around the edge of the pub to sit down at a big table by the bay windows. But when they arrived, Carmen suddenly screamed out at Goyle who went to sit down.

"Wait! You're going to sit on my imaginary friend!"

"Imaginary friend?" Malfoy questioned, his eyebrow raised.

"Yes, and her name is Elsa."

So all through the conversation, there was a wide gap between Crabbe and Goyle, where her 'imaginary' friend sat. Sometimes, she would periodically yell out, "Don't, you're squishing Elsa!" or "Stop, you just whacked her in the nose!" causing much havoc among the simple minds of Goyle and Crabbe.

But during the conversation, Carmen also realised that a face was missing. "Where's Pansy?" she asked.

"She didn't want to come," answered Millicent. "I guess she'll be doing her Christmas shopping at Diagon Alley, since she's going home." Next to her, Malfoy looked relieved.

"She's so lucky. You know her parents are filthy rich," Daphne started gossiping.

"I heard that she gets one side of the mansion, all to herself," Jade added.

"That's not what I heard," Blaise started saying. "I heard that she gets the _whole_ mansion to herself."

Carmen snorted, "Well, I don't give a damn if someone's bloody rich. I wouldn't give a flying fuck if Pansy lived in a two room shack with baby Jesus and ran around in clogs, doing the cleaning with a fucking face cloth!" (A/N: very sorry if some of you are religious - I don't mean to offend!)

"Right, well, now that we sorted that out," Malfoy said quickly, who was sitting next to Blaise, rather closely in Carmen's opinion. He changed the subject.

About halfway through the conversation, Jade was saying, "I never understood the difference between a…" _Tap tap._ Everyone looked at Carmen, whom the noise came from, but she was simply resting her head on her hand.

"What?" she asked.

"Anyway, as I was saying," Jade picked up the conversation again, but she was interrupted again. _Tap tap._ Everyone swivelled around to where Carmen was sitting but Carmen was looking curiously behind her.

"I wonder where that tapping is coming from…" she said absently.

"_Anyway,_" Jade stressed the word, "I was saying that I don't know the di…" _tap tap._ She glared at Carmen.

"Mmm?" Carmen questioned. She casually tapped on her right eye, and got some very bewildered looks from the people around her.

"What the…" Blaise said, screwing his face. Carmen couldn't hold back her laugh any longer. She let out a snort and then turned away from the table, which was proceeded with a very wet, sucking sound. She then turned back to the group and dropped a glass eye, identical in colour to hers, on the table. The glass eye bounced a little then rolled around towards Malfoy who cowered away in disgust.

"Magical glass eyes, three Sickles at Zonko's," she said. Everyone gave a little sigh and a few even dared to let escape a nervous laugh, realising that the glass eye was not in fact a real eye. Millicent picked it up with a napkin to examine it, despite disgust.

Daphne then gave a squeal and leapt to her feet. "I'm going to be late," she said.

"Late for what?" Blaise asked.

Jade interrupted, "She's got a date with Pucey." Daphne flushed and then fled from the scene.

"Alright!" Carmen roared, when she finished her third pint of butterbeer. She then got up, went and got another pint and climbed up onto the stool. She then took a gulp and raised her pint to the ceiling. Everyone in the pub stopped, looked up and fell silent. Carmen then proceeded to sing at the top of her (not very musical) voice, "_Ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall…_"

A/N: R&R!   
Sooooooooo….. watcha think? Yeeeees, I waaaaaas a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle bit tipsy when I wrote this chin… chat… cheese… chop… chap… chapter - dat's it! Come to tink of it, mate, I tink I'm still a liddle tipsy (hic).

Anyway, (butts Drunk Mia with the hip) let's just put my fourth personality to the side and talk more realistically. Anyone have any ideas for funny situations? I mean, I've got heaps, but I'm always welcoming more! Plus I'll dedicate the chapter to you! Yeah… But apart from that, there'll be more stuff coming up soon.

Oh, and I wanted to remind a friend of mine, Sar, that first of all, Malfoy is _gay_. Yes, it's unfortunate, but true. So Malfoy would not make Carmen go first just to see her butt... And yes, there are too many hot (but gay) guys in this cruel, cruel world (sniff).

And to my latest reviewer, staceygurl87 - thank you SO much! No review is ever too long and constructive critisism is always welcomed! So thanks again!

Also thanks to Jo for reviewing - very glad you enjoyed it! (bows)

And for everyone else... R&R!!! But apart from that, just wanted to say that I'll be taking up staceygurl87's advice. And for chessing people, I think this chapter might be of interest to you. :) And don't worry, there's romance coming up - I'm making up for the lack of it in the first nineteen chapters or so...

Yes, I do french at school... and my crazy family also includes a very crazy uncle of mine, who's an aristocrat count, just to add spice to the numerous world wars my family has already re-enacted. I swear that God gets his kicks through torchering me.


	20. Chapter 20

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

Chapter 20

Carmen walked through the door of the common room, supported by Jade and Malfoy. She had continued her beer song up to thirty seven bottles of beer on the wall, but since she had something close to eleven pints of butterbeer, some of the alcohol had started to take effect. She ended up getting the whole pub singing along (while Crabbe and Goyle danced in the back ground), including a group of dwarves and a few hags, but the show had to end when a banshee decided to join in too.

"Thirty six bottles of beer on the wall…" Carmen chorused as they came in. All three of them slumped into a couch, exhausted from half carrying, half dragging Carmen from Hogsmeade. "Take one down… pass it around…"

"_Shut… up…!_" Malfoy yelled at her, his head resting back on the couch and his hands still in the supporting position, behind her back.

"Okay," she said in a small voice.

After a while, Jade got up, "I should go. I've got some stuff to do."

"Yeah, me too," Malfoy said and started to get up. But he was unable to. He looked down and found that Carmen had rapped her arms around his torso and was not letting go. "Okay, let go of me now," he said bluntly, but she still didn't move. "This isn't a joke…" he started to say, but a small snore interrupted him. She was asleep.

He gave a sigh. "Great," he said and tried his best to wriggle out of her grasp. But he was in vain. So he was stuck there, sitting on a couch while a drunken girl was clinging onto him in her sleep. "Great," he said again.

…………………………………………………

"Jesus bloody Christ!" Carmen yelled out when her queen was brutally stomped on by Malfoy's night. Now Carmen was only left with her king, her knight her bishop and a handful of prawns... I mean, _pawns_.

Malfoy could be seen smirking his evil smirk, knowing that he now had the upper hand in the game. A little agitated, she massaged her temples trying to find a suitable (and hopefully not suicidal) move. At last she made a decision and said, "Knight to A1." Immediately, the black knight moved to the assigned spot.

"Castle to C1."

_Shit_, she thought. Her knight was cornered – even if she moved it, she'd still be killed. She moved her pawn a step forward, knowing what would happen next.

Malfoy gave a smirk behind his hand, and then said, "Castle to A1." Carmen couldn't help but grimace when her castle piece was smashed into splinters of wood. She reminded herself to start saving up for another set of chess pieces. "Your turn," he said politely, with an air of perky happiness.

Carmen scowled as she settled herself down to think of her next move. She sat there, staring at the chessboard for five minutes. Then ten. And fifteen, twenty, twenty-five. Malfoy finally got tired, after fruitless attempts in persuading her to move, he finally proposed, "Here, want some help?"

She looked at him in suspicion. "No," she growled. Her pride would kill her one of these days.

"Come off it," he said and got up and sat next to her to get a better look at the situation on the battlefield. He sat there for a while, leaning forward, concentrating hard. He then finally said, "You could move your king." She considered. It was possible. What did she have to lose? Nearly a whole chess set, her bet and most importantly her pride. Ah, she thought, fuck that.

"King to A1."

Bad choice. Very bad choice. Very, very bad choice – so bad that she was most definitely up shit creek without a fucking paddle and a shit-leaking hole in the bottom. However, Carmen was not aware of this as yet. Sweet revenge swept over her as her king demolished the offending castle.

She grinned to herself and looked towards Malfoy who still sat beside her. Despite the fact that he looked a little pale, he was his cool, collected self.

"Suck-" Carmen started to say, an attempt to tease him. But was then cut off when he brought himself forward, took her face with his two cold hands and kissed her confidently.

Carmen's eyes widened with dumbfounded surprise. Malfoy put down his bishop, "Checkmate," he said.

A/N: R&R Please! I guarantee that I will review your story, whether it's Harry Potter or not, if you review mine! I mean, it's only fair, right?

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!!!!!!! Mwa, I love this part. I mean, _finally_, but never too early or too late. Man, I love chess!

At this point in time, I'm reminiscing about the motor show I went to on Sunday… mmmmm. Apart from the fact that I _love_ cars (yes, I do plan on having a 6.0 litre V8 Ute with bull-bar and air con etc… and one day, when I have my licence, I'm going to take it for a drive down a stretch of tar and put the pedal to the floor! 240 k/ph baby!) practically three quarters of the male teenage population was congregated in that one area… gawd, I had the best perve in ages! Not to mention, I just found out my neighbour is a seventeen year old guy… (His car was there at the show too). Despite his red hair (you know I love the Weasley twins) he's quite cute and he did happen to take his shirt off after a long bike ride… :P

Anyway, R&R please, if you want me to continue the story.


	21. Chapter 21

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

Chapter 21

A/N: The question is: _Is Malfoy gay?_ Dun-dun-dummmmm! (My lame interpretation of scary music…)

"_What the fuck do you think you're fucking doing_?" Carmen shot up from where she sat and pointed a shaky finger at Malfoy.

"Thanking you for letting me win the game," he said very coolly, compared to the fuming Carmen, whom could be seen with steam pouring from her ears.

"But you're supposed to be… supposed to be…"

"Supposed to be _what_?" he questioned.

"_Gay!_"

"_WHAT?!_" Malfoy spat out, jumping up from his seat. "_I'M NOT GAY!!!_" he roared.

"But…but…" she stuttered, trying to piece together parts of her 'evidence'. "But what about Blaise?"

"He's my best friend! Aw, yuck, he's not gay!"

"But…"

"I'm not gay!"

"But…"

"_I'm not gay!_"

"But…"

"_I'm not…_"

"What about all those months you just kept away from girls, and had all those cosy conversations in the library with Blaise?"

"What the…" he said, sounding weary. But then he yelled, "_You've been spying on me?_"

"No way!" she shouted.

"And to answer you're question, I partially gave up on the whole bloody female population, that's all. Haven't you ever heard of a mawning period?! And I'm not…"

"A mawning period? So you're saying to me that all this time, I thought you were…"

"I'm not gay!"

"Yes, we've established that," she snapped at him. "So you're saying that you were off, fucking whimpering like a shot dog and feeling bloody sorry for yourself for all this time, _because some girl cheated on you?_"

"Hey, don't put it like that," he said as he crossed his arms. "And don't mock people who've been cheated. Have you ever been cheated before? It hurts, you know."

She couldn't believe her ears. "That's it, I've had enough of you crazy people," and promptly left for the girls' dormitory. Malfoy watched her stomping up the stars and gave a sigh.

……………………………………………

"I'm still getting used to you not being gay," Carmen told him a week later. Things had gotten pretty cold between her and Draco, but somehow, finally, she started to get a grip.

"You can have as much time as you want," he replied. "Just so long as you can get it into your head that _I'm not gay_. And please, next time, check with me on matters concerning my personal life, before you make assumptions."

"Yeah, yeah." She started stabbing her steak and kidney pie steaming on her plate. She looked up as he left the table.

"Quidditch training this afternoon," he said. But before Carmen could complain that firstly, there was blizzard outside, and second of all, it was nearing towards Christmas after all, but was interrupted. "And the next attempt you make at pegging a quaffle at my head and say that you were trying to pass it, try throwing it in the direction of your team mates." And with that, he stalked off, hands in pockets.

A/N: R&R! I keep my promise that I will review your story, so long as you review mine!  
Sorry this is short! But we cleared up some issues... No, Carmen isn't exactly the most empathetic of people, nor is she very accurate on others' sexuality… sigh nobody's perfect, after all.

I just wanted to say at huge thank you to all who've reviewed! You've been a great help and not to mention a very effective replacement of chocolate as a source of endorphins. I've been having the most crap week in the history of my short life, and you, all of you, have contributed in helping me get through it. Thanks again!!!

And to Lisa-mouse… remember – brilliant minds think alike! I had written this down before you sung that song!


	22. Chapter 22

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

Chapter 22

Christmas was always an occasion to be enjoyed… even if the temperatures didn't reach to more than minus thirty. Carmen had enjoyed the days following before Christmas, sitting in front of the fire and making a start on the extensive amounts of sweets she had bought at Honeydukes. The castle was fairly empty, save for a handful of students and teachers.

On Christmas Eve, going outside for a snow fight, Carmen exited the girls' dormitory clothed in volumous quantities of warm clothing. Scarf, beanie, ear mufflers, gloves, thermals, woollen socks, cloak… everything that kept you warm was sure to be worn by her. As she walked towards the door of the common room, putting on her suede gloves, a voice came from behind her.

"You know, a cow was killed to make those gloves." It was the nosy third year big-mouth by the name of Pritchard.

Carmen turned around, a little annoyed – they were her favourite gloves and _no-one_ was going to criticise them. "Oh really?" she said in mock interest. "I didn't know there were any witnesses… now I'll have to kill you too!" His eye's widened in horror and turned pale. He slowly backed away from her and then, when in the safety of his dormitory, he slammed the door shut. Carmen approached the door, seeing that he had left his wand on the low coffee table in the centre of the common room, and put a locking spell on the door. She gave a small smile and left the room.

…………………………………………………

Most of the Slytherins had gone home for the holidays. Pansy, Millicent, Blaise and Nott had boarded the Hogwarts Express, which left only Crabbe, Goyle, Daphne, Jade, Carmen, Pucey and Malfoy. He had been told a week earlier that due to some last minute plans, his parents would be going away and that he would have to spend his holidays at school. He chucked a fairly big tantrum, when receiving the letter, but then calmed down seeing that he couldn't do much about it… except hijack the Hogwarts Express, but that never occurred in his mind, but in Carmen's…

The group of Slytherins were congregated by the lake which had frozen over with three inches of ice. The landscape around them was covered in a good foot of snow which then became the perfect battle ground for a snow ball fight.

As Carmen was the last one out, she snuck up behind everyone, standing around in a circle, talking and breathing steam. She would have looked like a leopard sneaking up on a prey as she hid behind a hedge, making a dozen or so snow balls. As she was working on one, a family of small hedgehog looking animals, no bigger than her palm, scuffled out of the hedge. She nearly jumped up out of surprise when she saw them and the delicate snow she was moulding in her hand dropped and landed on one of them. There, the small mound of snow covered hedgehog looking thing was still, and Carmen was inspired.

A few minutes later, she had her snowball pile ready to fire and a few, especially big, snowballs lay beside her. She grinned, rather evilly, looking down upon them. She took the smallest snowball and pegged it at Goyle's head. It was lucky that Carmen had trained as a Chaser for the last three months for her ball throwing skills were impeccable. She hit bulls eye at he turned around and rubbed at the back of his head.

Everyone else had stopped talking and was looking in the direction of the hedges when Carmen's head popped up from behind it before they were pelted with snow balls. Immediately, everyone split up and began grabbing handfuls of snow and chucking it in whatever blind direction.

Carmen ran out from behind the hedge, pegging snowballs as she ran. She came down to her last few snowballs and quickly decided who her victims would be. Her eyes immediately fell on Pucey.

Pucey, who was reaching down for more snow beside the lake, was hit right on his left buttock. He gave a howl and clamped his hand on it. "What the hell was that?" he exclaimed and looked down at the hedgehog looking creature at his feet. "I just got hit on my butt by a snowpigme!" Daphne ran to his side to see what had happened, and Carmen took the initiative to give her a closer look.

Running around, clutching the remainder of her snowpigme-balls, she deliberately bumped Daphne into Pucey, who fell back words on to the frozen lake, still holding on to her. Finally the skidding seised, some twenty metres way from the edge of the pond, Pucey realised that he was still gripping onto Daphne who had slid along on top of him. He cleared his throat shyly.

"Oh, uh…" Daphne started, trying to get up and off him, but then slipped again and fell on top of him – again. She gave a small laugh, "Uh, sorry."

"It's alright. Besides, I could get used to this!" he joked, which made Daphne get off him very quickly.

Meanwhile Carmen had dispensed of her remaining snowpigme-balls on Malfoy. In pain, he was trying hard to reach the remainder of the quills in his back, when the assumed mother snowpigme bared sharp teeth and sunk them in his boots. He yelled and kicked his leg about with the snowpigme still holding on strong, while he hopped around and bumped Crabbe. He too, fell over and slid on the ice, but the force at which his head had hit the ice had created at crack… which was spreading rapidly.

Crabbe sat up on the ice and said in a highly intelligent voice, "My dear God, I do believe that I hit my cranium, which may result in mild to severe concussion."

Everyone gaped at him, partly because he had become intelligent, but also because the crack issued from his hit had spread to all parts of the lake and around Crabbe, who was now quickly separating from safety. But before anyone could even yell out a warning, a giant tentacle shot through the air, carrying the piece of the ice on which Crabbe had sat on. The ice rose twenty feet, similarly with Goyle, and then landed in the snow beside the lake. The giant squid sunk his tentacle back into the water as everyone ran towards Crabbe to check if he was alright.

He gave a grunt. It seemed that he had returned to his former level of intellectual ability. Carmen spotted the huge block of ice which lay in the snow beside Crabbe and said, "Anyone for snow cones?"

A/N: R&R!  
I am so, very, desperately, without doubt, very VERY sorry that I haven't updated in ages… But I made sure that this chapter is extra long. :)

I've been having quite a crap time – last week, and this week – and I won't get started because I know I'm going to bore you all. But I would really appreciate it if you'd give me a reason to live by reviewing! Thanks!


	23. Chapter 23

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

A le Pieds-nus Pianiste

Chapter 23

The night of Christmas Eve…

"Ohhh!" Carmen chirped, clamping her hands together in delight. "Roast turkey, gravy, roast potatoes, spotted dick, sweet potatoes, roast lamb, pork chops, steak and kidney pie, spaghetti, lasagne, mashed potatoes, fish fingers, butter chicken, kebabs, steak, spring rolls, rissoles, wedges, curry, pasta, quiche, meatballs, stir-fry, BBQ chicken, pumpkin bread…" she started listing all the food she saw, lined up on the table. "I just can't wait to get started on them all!"

Malfoy, who had been standing beside her while they walked down to the middle of the table, groaned. He didn't look too comfortable. He was limping a little – his foot was still numb from the snowpigme's bite – and he winced when Carmen, though playfully, slapped his back. "Oh, sorry," she said blindly. "I forgot your back's a bit delicate at the moment. But those snowpigmes don't hurt _that _much, do they?"

"You'd be surprised," he growled as they sat down. He looked around at the Great Hall which had been decorated very festively as per every year. Big icicles, frosty Christmas trees, 'faerie' lights, snowing ceiling… it all made him want to go home.

…………………………………………………

Coming back from dinner, everyone gathered around in the common room, lounging about and killing off time before bed. For those who had some sort of entertainment busied themselves with that, but for the others who didn't, they were left to sit around and chat.

But suddenly, a faint jingling noise could be heard, coming down from the corridors outside the common room. Crabbe and Goyle were the first to hear and looked up at each other.

"Do you hear jingle bells?" Goyle said to Crabbe.

"Yeah…" he replied.

"Do you think it's Santa?" Goyle said looking hopeful.

"Maybe," Crabbe looked hopeful too, "It's getting closer."

At last the door of the common room flung open and the Slytherins looked up, half in alarm and half in anticipation. Carmen flew through the door in a huff, wearing a cloak covered from inch to inch in jingle bells. Crabbe and Goyle looked back at each other, clearly disappointed.

Carmen stormed, obviously in a very bad temper, and hurled herself onto the couch next to Jade. She crossed her arms furiously and gave a huge sigh. She brooded to herself in an inaudible fashion, her tone enraged. Jade brought up her courage to ask her if she was okay.

"Am I okay? Am I okay?! Do I look like I'm fucking _okay_?"

"Okay, maybe not. But what's the matter?"

"Huh, I'll tell you what the matter is…" but before she would go on, her voice diminished and she turned crimson.

"What?" Jade urged.

"He… h-he… _He kissed me!!!_"

"_What?!_"

"_Twice!_"

"_Twice?!_ _Who?_"

"_Malfoy_."

"_Malfoy?! I thought he was gay?_"

"_Well, it bloody well turns out he's not!_"

They both sat there silent for a minute, Jade growing more and more quiet by each thought and Carmen more and more angry with each thought. She finally burst out, "God, that's the second time he's done this to me like this!"

"Like what?"

"At the wrong times!"

"Wrong times?"

"Yeah, first he kissed me when I thought he was fucking gay. Then he kissed me under the fucking mistletoe some fucking stupid flying bug was fucking carrying around."

"You mean a faerie?"

"Yeah, those things."

"But wasn't it romantic?"

"What? That a presumably gay guy kisses you?"

"No, kissing under the mistletoe."

Carmen couldn't help but laugh at the thought. She wasn't exactly the sentimentally emotional kind who dreamed of romance.

Jade looked a little peeved. "But you enjoyed it, right?"

She involuntarily gave a sheepish grin but then straightened her face, cleared her throat and quickly said, "No."

At that moment, the door of the common room opened, and in walked Malfoy. Malfoy didn't notice, but Carmen had sunk distinguishably lower and lower into the couch whose face had turned to a bright beetroot colour.

A/N: R&R!  
Well, well, well. The truth comes out, doesn't it? And you don't even have to say anything… okay, a bit random, but I'm in a very weird mood. Anyway, how do you think Carmen and Draco are going to get together? Because usually, when you read DM fictions, he's always _really_ smooth and _always_ got the upper hand… I want to try and turn the tables this time. Any suggestions are welcome and to my loyal reviewers, you have my utmost and highest respect. Thank you very much. bow

I won't be writing the next chapter until after Tuesday, so please bare with my while I take a well earned weekend – a long weekend in fact – and revive myself and come up with more ideas. A word of warning: the ideas may be a little on the whacky side, as my whole family is _very_ whacky.

Also, I have, very proudly, done my oral task of making a speech of seven minutes today. Very, very proud of myself. And the topic? The International Year of Rice… can you believe it? Some idiot in this world linked rice and global unity somehow, and I just stood in front of the class for almost eight minutes rambling on about how rice doesn't represent global unity and crap like that… but mind you, I did sound like Billy Connelly at times (yes, Carmen did take over me for a few minutes of the speech… and I think I got penalised for it too).

That's all for now. xx


	24. Chapter 24

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

Chapter 24

Carmen rubbed the back of her head while walking out of History of Magic. She had fallen asleep – once again – and had fallen off her chair when hearing the word 'assignment' and hit her head on the floor. Apparently, hearing from Pansy, that she had been snoring, but – as always – Binns was completely oblivious to that fact. In fact, he was completely oblivious to the whole snore/sleep-talk/fall-off-chair/hit-head-on-floor ordeal.

So by the end of the lesson, a slightly bad-tempered Carmen walked out, followed by Daphne and Jade. Their assignments were meant to be done in pairs, and because she had been visiting La-La Land, she was without a partner. "Hey Daphne," she said. "Have you got a partner?"

"Yeah, sorry. I've already paired up."

"Never mind. Plenty of fish in the…"

"Huh?"

Carmen's eyes widened looking at the approaching figure behind Daphne. Her face reddened and she ran to hide behind Jade's back. "Keep walking… just keep walking," she instructed to Malfoy in a whisper behind Jade. But Jade had had enough.

She yelled at her when Malfoy had stalked off. "Stop hiding behind my back! Gees, you're such a coward sometimes! He," she said, pointing a finger at the offending back that was walking away, "Is a gay… I mean, guy. _He_," she pointed at him again with vigour, "Is human. _He_," she pointed the third time, so hard her arm could have fallen off, "_Is nothing special or scary, yet you act like he's a fire-breathing giant chicken on a rampage!_"

"Right," Carmen said, and took a deep breath. She focused on a point on a wall, looking as if in deep concentration. "He is a guy… he is human… he's nothing special…" she said to herself, all the time taking deep breaths. "Guy… human… special… not special… special… not special…" she was starting to confuse herself.

"Not special… not special… not…"

_Tap tap._

Carmen nearly jumped out of her skin. But she almost jumped out of her skin – twice – when she saw who it was.

"Got a partner?" Malfoy asked.

Carmen switched to her 'fight or flight' mode and put up two fists. "Get away!" she said shrilly.

Malfoy put up his hands to defend himself, "Wow, calm down, Carmen. I'm not going to attack you or anything."

"You kissed me, thus you shall never be trusted…again!"

"Huh?" he looked puzzled. "Oh, you mean Christmas? Struth, that was a long time ago..."

"Why did you do it," she interrogated him.

At this, he just laughed. "What else are you bloody meant to do when there's a mistletoe branch floating above your head?"

"Be quiet," she snapped at him. "I know martial arts and I'm not afraid to use it!" Malfoy couldn't suppress a snort. "What?" she asked.

"Nothing," he said quickly. "So are you going to answer my question?"

"Yes, I'm already paired up."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Who?"

"Elsa."

"_Who?_"

"_Elsa._"

"Ooh, Elsa." He paused. "Isn't she the imaginary girl?"

"Yeah, so?"

"How is she going to help you with your assignment?"

Carmen stood silent and defiant, trying to find some sort of explanation.

"Well?" Malfoy asked. Eventually, Carmen got frustrated and mock punched him in the stomach.

"Fine! I'll be your stupid partner!" and she ran off down the corridor.

"Fine! Be that way!" he yelled after her. "Wait a second…" he said, realising that his comeback wasn't really up to scratch.

A/N: R&R!  
I'd like to post my thanks to:  
Emily Malfoy  
Big Spender  
Lila Bloom-Felton  
Mari  
Margot  
Whippy Bird  
For your endless support in my story! You're awesome!

And to the rest of you… REVIEW MY STORY PLEASE!!! I swear that I will review yours if you review mine. And I reckon it's only fair that if you enjoyed a story, then you leave a message to the author, as etiquette.


	25. Chapter 25

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

Chapter 25

"You're despicable."

Carmen and Malfoy were sitting at a study table in the library one afternoon. Malfoy, sitting quietly and reading a reference book, was trying hard to ignore the mad bull, steam pouring out of its ears, sitting next to him. Carmen, on the other hand, was trying very hard not to scream. Not because there was a mad bull next to her (_she_ was the mad bull herself) but because Malfoy had been annoying her for the past twenty minutes, among other things. Firstly, she did _not_ want to be in the library. Secondly, she did _not _want to work on her assignment. And thirdly (and most importantly) _she did not want to be doing either of those things with Malfoy_.

"Despicability is only a frame of mind," said Malfoy quietly, somewhat suppressed by the whole you-must-keep-silence-or-the-librarian-will-hex-you-to-death atmosphere of the library. Malfoy clicked his tongue again, as he had done for the last twenty minutes, and suppressed a sneer.

Carmen shivered and then breathed deeply. "If you do that one more time I'll…"

_Click_

She breathed again. Her voice rose as she tried hard not to yell, "I'll…"

_Click_

She slammed her quill on the table and yell, no longer able to keep her temper down. "_That's it! I can't stand this assignment!_ _I can't stand your clicky noises!_ AND MOST OF ALL, I CAN'T STAND YOU! AND IF YOU MAKE THAT STUPID NOISE AGAIN, I'LL HEX YOU TO OBLIVIAN!!!"

"RIGHT, THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH WITH YOU TWO!" bellowed Madam Pince. "OUT! OUT! AND TAKE YOUR THINGS WITH YOU!"

The next moment, the two could be seen chucked out of the library along with quills, parchment and books being thrown out with them. But then came Malfoy's ink well… which smashed against the opposite wall. Malfoy looked sadly at the spot where lines of ink were now running down.

"Look at the shit you got us into!" yelled Carmen.

"Me?!"

"Yes, you!"

"I wasn't the one yelling at the top of my lungs in the library!"

"No, but I wouldn't have, if it weren't for you clicking away with your tongue! Hey, come back! I haven't finished with you yet!"

Malfoy shoved his hands in his pockets and stalked off. Carmen ran to catch up behind him and pulled on his sleave. He pulled it out of her grip and kept walking.

"Wait, where are you going?" she asked him, but he simply ignored her. They walked up stairs, down corridors, up more stairs, through doors, behind tapestries, and down stairs until they reached a door. Malfoy entered it, Carmen right behind him.

They entered a small room, which had in it a table, two chairs and three walls, covered from floor to ceiling in books… about magical history.

"What is this place?" Carmen said as she stood and stared.

"The room of requirement," he replied.

………………………………………………

Carmen slumped on the couch in the Slytherin common room. She looked slightly delusional and her knees had buckled before she landed safely on the couch. "Books…" she mumbled to herself.

Malfoy came and sat down next to her. They had just come back from working the whole evening on the stupid history assignment. "What's wrong with you?" he asked.

"Books… I've never seen so many books in my life…"

"Yes, but they're only books. Is that such a miracle?"

"Did I forget to mention that I have an allergy?"

"Yeah, I think you did."

"Well, I have an allergy to books… history books… masses of history books…"

He gave a sigh, "well, it's going to be one big history task, isn't it?"

"Books…" she whimpered.

A/N: R&R! Hey everyone, I'm SO sorry that I haven't updated in a _very_ long time! It's amazing the things you can give up when you're out of the habit! But I'm back, and I won't be thrown off that easily! So expect a steady flow of chapters, my friends!


	26. Chapter 26

Secrets and Dirty Deeds

By the Barefoot Pianist

Chapter 26

Breakfast next morning started off quiet, however much arousal was to be expected later on…  
"What's our first subject today?" Carmen asked, picking up a glass of orange juice.

"Care of Magical creatures," said Malfoy before Daphne could, as he sidled up to sit beside Carmen. Jade and Daphne exchanged wised looks.  
Carmen looked at Malfoy, indicating that she did not appreciate either his reply or his presence. The looked that she gave to him was something close to looking down upon a flobberworm. "Great, I wonder what disgusting creature we're going to be looking at today?" Carmen couldn't help but shudder when she thought of their last study case: Grindylows – Horned heads and spindly fingers never appealed to her.

"Apparently we're going to be studying Runespoors," Jade said quietly.

Her reply was followed by silence and paling of faces.

Carmen choked on the glass of orange juice, coughed and spluttered, waving her arms blindly for a napkin. "Ow, my nose!" she howled, raising much confusion and commotion. Carmen had snorted some orange juice up her nose.

"…What is going on?" Snape said in a dangerously quiet voice. He had silently slid up to the Slytherin table and was now standing directly behind Carmen.  
"I think she got some orange juice up her nose, sir," Malfoy said, trying to hide his enjoyment from Carmen. Carmen stamped hard on his feet. "Ow!" he yelled, cradling his foot and was returned with a murderous glare from Carmen.

"Silence, both of you," Snape hissed. "Miss Davies, you will restrict yourself from stupid behavior in public." Malfoy smirked. "And Mr. Malfoy, you will not encourage your friend, or I shall have to take points away."

Malfoy was left speechless as Snape glided away.

Carmen fanned away at her red nose. After a while, she said, "First books and now Runespoors!" She finished off her glass of juice, placed the empty glass on the table and got up to get her books.  
"What the…?" Daphne said.  
"Yeah, what was up with that?" asked Jade.  
"Let me explain," said Malfoy.

………………………………………………………

It turned out that the Sixth Years would _not _be studying Runespoors in Care of Magical Creatures. Instead, they would be studying Jarveys for the next few weeks.

"Righ', we're gonna be lookin' at Jarveys. Now, mind yer manners with these Jarveys – they can be a bit rude. They haven't been very happy, ever since I got 'em brought into Hogwarts. But never the less, it's part of the curriculum requirements from the ministry, so off yer go. One Jarvey per pair only! And don't go too far with 'em! There're some rats here that you can feed 'em with."

The Slytherin and Gryffindor Sixth Years approached a large crate with unease. They had many an experience with unknown creatures lurking in crates in their past Care of Magical Creatures lessons. But when they peered over the edge, they only found dirt.

"Where are they?" asked Daphne, half-relieved.

"They're in the soil," Granger said impatiently. "You would have read that in Fantastic B…"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say," Pansy said before Granger could get herself started. Everyone else then started to burrow down to the bottom of the crate to find a nest of dozen or so over-grown ferrets. They picked them up, but were then bombarded with a long string of profanities and rude phrases from the Jarveys, clearly disturbed from their sleep.  
Ten minutes later, Weasley and Potter could be seen trying to put a silencing charm on their Jarvey who was progressively wriggling out of Weasley's grip while spitting out insults. A few times, Potter's aim wasn't accurate enough and had hit Weasley, much to the Jarvey and the Slytherins' amusements.

Meanwhile, Carmen was having a ball with her Jarvey – or one could perhaps call it her newfound best mate. It so happened that she had gained the Jarvey's respect by swearing at it when it had greeted her with an insult. Then, Carmen proceeded in feeding it a few rats, had a few swearing contests and an intellectual conversation involving profanities _only_.

By the end of the lesson, nearly everyone had been insulted, thus bad tempered, and had also learned a few swearwords and handy insults – all except Carmen of course, if anything, she taught the Jarvey something. She could be seen walking away at the end of the lesson with a bulge in her stomach, soon to be caught by Hagrid.

A/N: R&R! Okay, I'm sorry I haven't exactly updated anytime soon, but I haven't had much suport in the way of people _reviewing!_ The next chapter is really juicy, so if you want to know what happens - and you'll never guess - review me! You know, 'give a little - get a little'.


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